Make 'Em Laugh
by practicalamanda
Summary: Blaine is an aspiring stand up comedian, working as a presenter at a comedy club in Manhattan. As of now, he isn't very good, but with some help, advice, and encouragement from Kurt, the club's bartender, Blaine might be able to become the comedian he's always dreamed of being. Inspired by "Sleepwalk With Me." Comedian!Blaine and Bartender!Kurt. Future AU
1. Chapter 1

**Thank so much to my wonderful people who helped make this story possible. Stay tuned for shout outs later.**

**L'shanah tovah!**

"So...uh, this is sort of a big night for me," Blaine said into the microphone, tapping it twice to test, and pulling it clumsily from the stand. "I'm Blaine Anderson. You may know me as the host around here, but tonight they've decided to give me three whole minutes, and when they told me I was like 'what?!'"

Blaine's over dramatic tone earned a few chuckles from the audience, but for the most part they were all just blinking back at him, waiting for the jokes to start. Some people towards the back seemed more interested in their food than the curly haired main that was now awkwardly pacing about the small stage. "And of course my boss was like, 'like I said, Jim can't come tonight. You're on for three minutes,' just like he had said four seconds before."

The words were coming out of his mouth, but there were a million other things running through his head. Am I being funny? Is it going to be really obvious that I really only have about one minute of comedy prepared? At what point in my career will I start being more interesting than the chicken fingers? God I wish I went on after everyone had already had their two drink minimum.

"I had an epiphany at that point. I realized that I really should start cutting the exaggerated 'what' out of my vocabulary because it's almost never warranted," Blaine continued, shoving the rest of his thoughts to the back of his mind. "Like I was having coffee with a friend yesterday and she told me that she had never seen _Titanic__, _and I realize now, that when I gave her that exaggerated 'what', it was more like when you say that you love something, but really what you mean is 'I want you to be aware that I know what that is.'"

"This guy that I was trying to impress at a bar the other night told me that he made his own Kambucha,and my immediate reaction was 'oh my god I love Kambucha,' but really I was saying, 'oh my god I know what Kambucha is.'" There was another light smattering of laughter, slightly heartier than before, but Blaine staunchly reminded himself that these people are paying for laughter, and not a half smile. "It's not like I'm being swarmed by people telling me truly unbelievable things, 'Blaine, I don't know how to tell you this, but your house has been attacked by a pack of unicorns.' At that point I think I could bring back the 'what?!'"

He glanced at the clock. Still thirty seconds, but close enough. "Alright guys, I guess you're probably sick of my babbling, let's bring on the main event..."

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"You seem a bit like you need this," the bartender said sliding a mug of beer towards Blaine. It was his customary post show drink, but he had forgotten all about it, choosing instead to huddle over his note cards at the end of the bar. "You okay, Blaine?"

Blaine finally looked up. Kurt, the bartender, was standing across from him expectantly, wiping his hands on a dish rag he had just been using to wipe down the bar. The first time Blaine had met Kurt, he almost burst out laughing. Turning moments of fear or nerves into a joke was a skill he had learned his senior year of high school, and honed through college. And as far as moments of nervousness go, meeting Kurt was hilarious. The man was stupidly beautiful and Blaine had decided long ago that the foregone conclusion if their relationship was years of cliched pining followed by a messy confession, a rejection, and a night of binge drinking. Blaine was now in the process of attempting to skip all of that, and instead to appreciate their friendship. "Yeah, I'm fine," Blaine responded simply, but he kept going when he saw Kurt's skeptical face. "Okay, I'm as fine as one can be after the train wreck that was that performance."

Kurt scrunched up his face in a sympathetic look, "I thought you were...cute."

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut with his thumb and forefinger, "I tanked, didn't I?"

Kurt busied himself with wiping down the counter to avoid answering for a few seconds, but eventually just said, "yeah, a little bit."

Blaine let out a hallow laugh, but it was good natured, "a lot a bit, but it's okay. I'll keep working on it," Blaine said tucking his cards into his back pocket and taking a sip of his beer. "We can't all be masters of our crafts like you Mr. Bar Tender, a perfect pour as usual." Blaine flirted with an ease that he only seemed to manage with people that he'd already decided were out of his grasp...oh, and middle aged women.

"Crap, that means I've been doing this for too long," Kurt said, pulling off his apron and clocking out before pouring himself a glass of red wine and coming to sit beside Blaine. "I need a real job."

"I'd offer to give you a letter of introduction somewhere, but I fear that I could only help you to become a failing comedian or a telemarketer," Blaine offered with a sigh.

Kurt giggled and smiled down at his drink, "see, you can make me laugh. You're not a total failure as a comedian," Kurt said. "You make me laugh a lot. You should use some of that on stage."

"I don't know if my bartender puns will go over so well with the Friday night crowd," Blaine replied.

"No, no, that's not what I mean," Kurt said, turning so that he was fully facing Blaine on his bar stool. "I just mean...like when you're up on stage, even when you're just presenting and not doing your comedy, I don't really feel like it's _you_ up there. It's like, you go up there and instead of being the funny Blaine Anderson that I've known for months you turn into this guy who's pretending to be a comedian." There was a brief pause while Blaine processed what Kurt had just said, but it made Kurt nervous, "I'm...I'm sorry. That was over stepping. You don't tell me how to make a proper Lime Ricky. I shouldn't tell you how to do your job."

"I think you have a point," Blaine said suddenly, resting his chin on his fist and giving Kurt his full attention. "You work at a comedy club. You see comedians all the time—good and bad, and I can take all the advice I can get."

"Okay..." Kurt said, taking a slow sip of his wine. "Okay, so I was talking to this comedian who was touring in the United States, but he was Ireland. He isn't hugely famous, but I googled him after, and he's been on a few panel shows and stuff in the UK..so he's relatively successful," Kurt continued. "I was sort of eavesdropping on a conversation he was having with another person at the bar, and he told them that the secret to being a great comedian was a willingness to sit on trains a lot, and exceptionally low self esteem."

Blane nearly spit out his beer with his laughter, "What?!"

"So much for doing away with the exaggerated 'what'," Kurt quipped and Blaine swatted him in the shoulder. "I think he just meant that you have to be willing to say just about anything on stage, including things that are really personal, that's where the really good stuff is. Haven't you heard the old cliché? It's funny because it's true," Kurt questioned. "Like I said, your routine was cute, but you're a comedian, not an actor."

Blaine sighed, "the fact that I know you're right is not making it any easier," Blaine said, staring down into his beer. "You know I've enjoyed making people smile and laugh my whole life, but I only started doing stand up when I was in college. I overheard my friend trying to talk me up to this guy once when he didn't know I was there. He asked what I looked like and my friend told him that I was really funny. It's only recently occurred to me that my stand up comedy career, if it can be called that, is based on the fact that my friend didn't want to straight up say I was unattractive."

It was Kurt's turn to let out a hardy laugh, "See!" Kurt finally choked out between giggles. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. This is the kind of stuff you should be saying on stage!"

"I'll work on it," Blaine said, unable to hold back a grin at how cute Kurt was when he was laughing freely. As a bartender at a comedy club, Kurt had managed to perfect the fake laugh, but Blaine has known him long enough to tell the difference and nothing set his heart a flutter like the sound of it. "Meanwhile, who knows when the boss will put me on again after that display," Blaine said finishing off his drink, "I guess I should get going. I have a long day of telemarketing ahead of me," Blaine said, pulling on his jacket, and leaving a tip on the table. Employees got one free drink per shift, but Blaine wasn't going to short change the other man.

"It'll happen, Blaine," Kurt said dropping the money into his tip jar with a grateful smile. He had learned long ago that there was no point in protesting Blaine's generosity. "Someone's bound to pull out at the last minute again, and until then, just keep writing." Blaine nodded and headed out the door, before he could leave though Kurt called out to him again, "Oh and Blaine," Blaine turned back around and gave Kurt his attention, "your friend was wrong. You are funny, but you're not unattractive."

Before Blaine could respond, Kurt hopped off of his own stool, and strode into the back room of the bar without another word.

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"Do I want to know?" Kurt said, sizing up the scene in his apartment. Typically when he got home his room mate was already asleep, but tonight Sam was sitting at the kitchen table with several other people their age, dressed like some sort of mythical creature, staring studiously down at a fan of playing cards.

"No, probably not," Sam responded, not looking up as he put one of his cards down to the grumbling of one of the guys across from him. He appeared to be dressed as a what Kurt could only describe as a warrior monk. After making that play, Kurt could only assume that Sam's turn was over as the blonde man turned his attention to his room mate, who was rummaging through the fridge for something to eat. "How was work? Anyone funny tonight?"

Kurt sat on top of the counter and started eating a red bell pepper like it was an apple, "Honestly? The funniest thing I've seen all night is your four freaks sitting at my kitchen table," Kurt said, but a quirk in him mouth said that it was only good natured teasing. "It was a fairly slow night. Our headliner backed out at the last minute, so all the warm up acts got a little extra time. Even Blaine had to do a little performance instead of just presenting."

Sam had never met Blaine, but he had heard so much about him, that he felt like he knew him. "I'd ask you how he did, but I'm more interested in whether or not you've asked him for his number yet," Sam said, leveling Kurt with a look that spoke volumes.

"Wait has Hummel got himself a man?" a familiar voice came from underneath the monk hood.

"Puck, what the hell?! I didn't realize that was you," Kurt said, hopping down from the counter, yanking the hood off of the man's head. "Why didn't you identify yourself or something?"

Puck shrugged, "I just did." Puck had headed straight to California after high school to start up his pool cleaning business, but after a few years he became bored, and instead turned to the wonders of TaskRabbit. Puck now traveled around the country, mostly living out of his van, and doing odd jobs wherever his whimsy took him. Whenever he ended up in New York again, Kurt would find him in his apartment without any forewarning. "And anyway, don't dodge the question."

"I'm not dodging the question, Noah," Kurt replied. "There's just nothing to tell. Blaine is a friend from work. I don't mix business with my personal life."

"I'd be more sympathetic to that sentiment if you had a personal life," Sam said, in a stage whisper. Kurt just huffed and made his way into the living room to watch TV until he was ready to go to bed. It was late, but Kurt's mind was still buzzing from the conversation he'd had with Blaine, and he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep right away.

The truth was that Sam was right, Kurt didn't have much of a social life at the moment. He spent his days tirelessly trying to get his fashion magazine off the ground and all night working at the club to make enough money to live. _Kurtain Magazine_ was his dream, and he definitely felt that it was worth it, but it was taking a toll on his currently non-existent love life. It wasn't that Kurt didn't want to me meet someone, he just hadn't yet, and anyway he was young. He had his whole life to meet his prince charming. For now, he just needed to concentrate on himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**The holidays are over and I finally have more time to write again. I will warn that my updates might be slightly slower on this story, mainly because I have to come up with a story line and comedy. I have some wonderful people helping me with this story, but there is always room for more, so if you are interested in being apart of the creative process of _Make 'Em Laugh, _please don't hesitate to send me a PM, review, or message on tumblr (practical-amanda).**

**Also, someone in a PM called me mysterious, which is funny because I don't think of myself that way, but I suppose in this setting it sort of seems that way. How about a fun fact per chapter? I majored in politics in college and I now work for the Obama campaign, but I'm actively seeking another job that hopefully pays better haha.**

**I hope this chapter answers some of your questions...or maybe presents new ones...**

"So, what did you think?" Blaine had just finished rehearsing some new material for his room mate. He was hoping to finish some of it for that night so he could show it to Kurt and maybe ask for a few minutes of stage time from his boss. "I'm trying to be more honest in my routine."

"It was...funny, definitely funny," Marley replied. "But...well never mind, it was funny."

"No, wait what were you going to say?" Blaine asked. "I'm serious. I want you to be brutally honest. Don't hold back."

Marley sighed, "I was just thinking. Do you ever worry that, that kind of honesty could render you undateable?"

"Very funny, Mar," Blaine said, plopping down on the couch next to her and shoving his hand into the popcorn bowl she had on her lap. "Maybe you should be the comedian instead. I don't really think there is anything that I could do that would make me less dateable."

"Blaine, that's not true and you know it. You're cute, kind, and despite your apparent failure last night, you're really funny. You just need to put yourself out there," Marley replied before stuffing a large hand full of popcorn into her mouth. "I don't understand why you're so shy around men."

"That must be the first time I've ever been called shy by anyone," Blaine said, pointedly ignoring the question. "And anyway, I'm not shy. I'm just scarred by past experience. The last time I tried to romance someone he ended up getting fired from his job."

"That was ages ago. We were still in college when the whole 'Gap Attack Incident' happened. Isn't it time you got over it," Marley implored.

"It's not just that," Blaine replied slumping into the couch. "It's just...I don't feel like I can pursue a boyfriend until a few more good things happen in my life. Things are fine right now, but they could be a lot better. They need to be a lot better."

"Falling in love could be just the boost you need," Marley said, putting her popcorn aside and wrapping an arm around her best friend. "I'm not saying to run out and find a man today, but at least let yourself be open enough for love to find you."

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Blaine and Marley had first met in college at Wesleyan when they were both working the open mic circuit, Marley as a vocalist and Blaine as a stand up act. They had become fast friends. In their senior year they lived in a small apartment off campus and they had been room mates ever since. They were each other's biggest cheerleaders, but Blaine often worried that he was a bigger drain on Marley's pom pom skills than she would ever be on his.

He supposed it made sense, though. Marley had been dreaming of being a singer practically since she knew what singing was. She had years of practice and experience, not to mention a mother who was consummately supportive of her goals. When Blaine matriculated he could have said the same thing, well minus the supportive mother part, but a course in musical comedy changed everything. Before he knew it he was knee deep in an improv troop and furiously scribbling stand up ideas on little bits of paper and the back of his hand in all of his spare time. They say college can transform you and for Blaine Anderson this was definitely true.

Not everything changed, of course. He was still smooth and confident on the outside and a bit of an idiot on the inside. He still had a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve, or at least in his overly earnest eyes. He still had a bit of a short temper and he didn't think he would ever totally squelched his sassy side. And he hadn't lost his taste for medium drips or tall, pale, and lithe men. And, performing was performing. At the end of the day Blaine was a people pleaser and making people laugh was a great way to do just that.

Speaking of tall, pale, and lithe men, "so, did you take any of my advice?" Kurt asked, setting a plate of Caesar salad in front of Blaine. They both were in the habit of eating their one compt meal before customers came in instead of late at night after the club closed. "I couldn't help, but notice that those index cards are a different color than yesterday."

Blaine nodded as he munched on a crouton, "I did, but really this is just in case. I highly doubt the boss will put me in again after my ludicrous display last night," Blaine replied, tapping the stack on the table to even out the ends. "This is a comedy club, not a training ground for professional hecklers."

"Is that not the same thing?" Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged and nodded his agreement. "Hey, you never know. Someone else might have a freak accident or have come down with some sort of rare bird flu."

"Yeah, fingers crossed," Blaine said sarcastically.

Kurt sighed and went back to his own meal, "But regardless, Blaine, I'd love to hear it. You can use me as your guinea pig. I totally don't mind," Kurt swallowed and thought of the conversation he'd had with Sam and Puck the night before. "Maybe we could even meet for..."

"Anderson," their manager came barreling up to them, cutting off Kurt's thought. "Hughs decided that he's going to give three of his minutes to you. He says you're great at taking the bullet for him. He got more laughs going directly after you than he's had in months. You're on again."

"That's great!" Blaine said, ignoring most of what the man had said and instead choosing to hone in on the fact that he would get more time.

"Yeah, whatever," the man said, barely getting his words out before stalking away. Blaine could have sworn he heard him mumble something about him being nuts under his breath.

"Kurt, did you hear that! I get to go on again. This is fantastic," Blaine happily took a few more bites of his dinner. "Oh, I'm sorry you were in the middle of saying something."

"Oh, it was nothing," Kurt said, trying not to show his disappointment. "I can't wait to hear it Blaine. I'm sure you'll do...at least as well as yesterday..."

Blaine laughed, "I'll drink to that," he said, raising his coffee mug into the air and taking a hearty gulp before pushing away the rest of his salad in favor of his note cards.

0000000000

"I don't typically disclaim my comedy, but I'm going to warn you anyway," Blaine began, already feeling more confident than the day before. "I practiced in front of my room mate this afternoon and she liked it, but she was worried that the information that's in my routine might render me undateable," there was a smattering of giggles, not huge laughter, but already a more promising start.

"But really guys, who has time to date?" Blaine continued. "I work at this club six nights a week and then spend the rest of my time honing my skills as a burgeoning telemarketing expert. A boyfriend would be great, but I have to put food on the table, or over the sink where I eat most of my meals," Blaine added, and there was more laughter, louder this time.

Blaine couldn't help but sneak a glance at Kurt who sent him a wink and little smile, before launching into the rest of his routine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, things are heatin' up here in the _Make 'Em Laugh _verse. Thank you all so much for your wonderful feedback and comments. I'm so glad you're all enjoying it because it is truly a labor of love. Let me know if you have any comedy topics you'd like Blaine to tackle, because chances are that I want him to tackle them too.**

**Hmmm...fun fact: As some of you may know from reading _Moon Shadow_, I spent the second half of my junior year of college abroad on a commune in Tennessee. Sneaky second fun fact is that I would absolutely love it if you all would tell me fun facts about yourselves.**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda**

"So probably around once a month I allow my best friend and room mate, who is a girl I might add, to drag me to this gay bar downtown," Blaine began. "I go there, and all there is, is a bunch of cheap looking go-go dancers, half naked men, and excessive drinking. I only like one out of those three things, and I can drink anywhere," Blaine said and the crowd laughed. It had been about a week and a half since Blaine had his first disastrous night of stand up at the club and the manager had put him on every night since. Blaine could have sworn that his comedy had improved more in that ten days than it had in years.

"I don't even like it there. It's like candy corn or Hot Pockets I know it's going to be terrible but i do it anyway because it's familiar and costs very little," there was a smattering of more laughter. "And, I go because the straight women in my life, especially my room mate have managed to convince me of one of the greatest lies that women tell themselves and that is, that if they don't 'go out' a certain amount of times a month there self worth is some how diminished."

"Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there's nothing fun about a night out on the town and I love my girl friends to death, but I have never asked one of my guys friends to come over for a night of pizza and video games and gotten the response, 'no Blaine, it's been a long week I just want to dance and feel beautiful and like a goddess,'" Blaine said in an exaggeratedly girly voice. He took a swig of water and chuckled to himself. "Gay or straight there is only one reason men go to clubs, and that is for sex. I don't want to go to a gay bar and tote around my straight girl friend," Blaine said. There were a few whistles and shouts of agreement from men in the audience. "Oh and just as a side note, I also don't want to go underwear shopping with you or be your date to your second cousin's wedding when you're between boyfriends."

"But, I digress..."

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Blaine came jogging off the stage, smiling from ear to ear and wiping sweat from his forehead from the bright stage lights, "so, what did you think?" Blaine asked Kurt, who was just finished handing out drinks to a balding man in a khaki suit who gave Blaine a thumbs up before hurrying back to his table.

"I liked it. It was very you and that made it funny," Kurt said, smiling back and squeezing Blaine's shoulder. "And now I know never to call you if I need help underwear shopping," Kurt said, sending Blaine a wry smile and pushing a beer towards the other man.

Blaine choked out a laugh and tried to hide his embarrassment by taking a sip of the seasonal IPA Kurt had poured for him, "hoppy," Blaine said, appraising the beer.

"Yeah," Kurt said, shelving a bunch of freshly washed high ball glasses, "nice and bitter to match your personality."

"I'm not bitter!" Blaine answered automatically before Kurt leveled him with a glare and a raised eyebrow. "okay, maybe I'm a little bitter, but I think comedians need to be a little bitter or the whole comedy thing doesn't work as well."

"Tell that to Ellen Degeneres," Kurt said, pausing to take an order from a woman who had just walked up to the bar. "I hate when people order a sex on the beach. It hurts my soul a little bit."

"Now who's bitter?" Blaine asked.

"Fair enough," Kurt said, taking a look at his watch and pulling his apron off with a relieved sigh, "Break time," Kurt breathed out, plopping down next to Blaine and taking a draw from the other man's beer. "You're right; that's good."

"Hey!" Blaine said, with a laugh, "that's mine!"

"Relax, I'll pour you another one if you want. Remember, I'm the bartender," Kurt said resting his chin on his hand.

The two were quiet for a minute, taking a moment to relax from the rush of working at the club, "so, besides your lovely job tending bar, what do you have to be bitter about. I've never asked what you do during the day," Blaine finally said, turning in his stool to give Kurt his full attention.

"I'm the editor in chief and founder of a small fashion magazine that runs out of Brooklyn. We're trying to be the _Vogue_ of street fashion," Kurt explained. "We don't use any models, we just trend-spot on the street and tell people how they can get the look. It's pretty popular in Brooklyn and with some areas in Manhattan, but it's not nearly enough for me to make a living, unfortunately."

"Wait a minute," Blaine said, setting his beer that he'd been sipping throughout Kurt's explanation back down on the bar. "Are _you _the Kurt of _Kurtain _magazine?" Blaine said in disbelief. "My room mate and I read it together every month. Where do you think I found this sweater?" Blaine said, pointing excitedly down at his kelly green cardigan.

Kurt laughed, "I knew it looked familiar," Kurt said. "But yes, that's me. If only all of Manhattan and a few designers looking to advertise could be as interested as you and your room mate," Kurt said, sighing and going back to leaning on his hand.

Blaine looked thoughtful for a moment, "I do have one other friend who's a fan of your magazine," Blaine said carefully. "She's the buyer and manager for a boutique clothing store down town and I bet she'd be willing to put you in contact with people who might advertise in your magazine. The only thing is her style is a little bit on the..."

But the rest of Blaine's sentence was drowned out by Kurt's excited squeal, "Oh my god Blaine that would be amazing!" Kurt practically shouted, "I'll give you my number at the end of my shift and we can plan a time to meet. I have to go back to work now, but I'm so excited!" Kurt added, getting up from his seat and slipping his apron back on. In his excitement, Kurt acted without thinking and planted a kiss on Blaine's cheek, but he was too happy to be embarrassed. This was the first lead he had gotten in months. Instead he just looked Blaine right in the eye and said, "thank you, seriously."

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"Wait...you didn't tell him that Unique's shop is for drag queens?" Marley asked, later that night after Blaine had frantically recounted the details of that night. She was trying really hard not to laugh at her friend's distress. "Don't you think..."

"I tried to, okay!" Blaine cut her off. "He was just so excited. He didn't let me finish, and then he kissed me on the cheek," Blaine said, frantic tone turning a bit dreamy as he touched his hand to his right cheek.

"Yes, I heard that somewhere," Marley said, sarcastically. Blaine had repeated that part of the story approximately six times during his first telling.

"I just...I thought I was helping," Blaine said, plopping down on the couch.

"You were helping, Blaine," Marley said reassuringly. "I mean, there's nothing to say that his buyers won't want to advertise in _Kurtain_, it's just not the most ideal fit. Plus, I'm sure Kurt would appreciate any help he could get, no matter how small. When are you meeting him anyway?"

"Ugh...tomorrow," Blaine said, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and fore finger. "We're supposed to get brunch with Unique in union square."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Marley soothed. "And anyway, now that you two have each other's number is could be the start of a beautiful...friendship."

Blaine rolled his eyes, "you're about as subtle as a drag queen, Mar."

**I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think that I could be any more obsessed with Unique right now. She literally had me at _Boogie Shoes_. I wanted to get on the writing train as quickly as possible before she gets a really solid fanon personality (same with Marley). We'll see what happens!**


	4. Chapter 4

**So I made Unique older in this. That's what AU is for right? And plus, we don't really know her that well at this point. I made her a drag queen because once again, we don't know what her gender identity is at this point. I hope RIB decides to explore that. I know some of you aren't all that chuffed with the character on the show. I hope I can make you like my version at least! Also, I wrote a one shot that may become a WIP called _Old Hat_. I'd be honored if you guys wanted to check it out.**

**Hmmm...fun fact: I have ten piercings. It's up to you guys to guess where they are...haha**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda.**

"Hello Mr. Paparazzi man," Blaine said. He was walking towards Kurt and the other man had already snapped several photos of Blaine. "Does this mean you like my outfit?"

Kurt laughed and put the camera down, "I always like your outfit, but I can't shoot for the magazine in the club," Kurt answered. There was an awkward moment where neither of them knew how to greet each other. Did they shake hands? Did they wave...fist bump...hug? After a beat Kurt made the decision for them and pulled Blaine into an awkward half hug. "It's good to see you and I'd love to feature that cardigan on the cover of the next _Kurtain_ if you'll let me."

"Really?" Blaine enthused. He was wearing one of his favorites, a gray button down with lobsters on it. "I would be honored. That's a real compliment coming from you," Blaine looked appreciatively at Kurt's outfit. He had known intellectually that the journalist must have been extremely fashionable, but this was the first time that Blaine had seen him out of his bartender uniform and he was duly impressed, especially by the tightness of Kurt's pants.

"I'll have to get the details of the outfit from you later and the layout staff is going to have to approve a photo, but it's as good as done," Kurt said, following Blaine into the diner where they were meeting Unique. "So what's your friend like?"

Blaine slid into a booth across from Kurt and avoided the question for a moment by ordering three coffees from the waitress, who placed the plastic menus on their table before walking away. "She's...she's one of those people you just sort of have to meet to understand."

As if on cue, a loud voice came from behind the booth, "Blaine Anderson, where have you taken me. Don't you know you're supposed to take a lady somewhere nice?" Kurt's head whipped around and he was greeted with the sight of formidable looking woman...no drag queen he corrected himself when she got closer. Kurt was not an expert in drag, but she looked pretty fantastic. "Well I supposed I can find something to eat here if it means I can sit next to this cutie," Unique said next, finally getting close enough to spot Kurt and sliding into the booth next to him. "You should put your own damn face on the cover of your fancy magazine, boy. That's your money maker," Unique said, picking up a menu and looking through.

Kurt sent Blaine an amused look. Blaine knew that he would probably get an ear full later, but in a way it was worth it to see the look on Kurt's face when he saw who was coming to meet them. "Ahem..." Blaine began, clearing his throat loudly, "Kurt, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Unique. Unique this is Kurt."

"It's nice to meet you," Kurt said demurely. "That's a fantastic hat you're wearing."

"Why thank you," she responded, patting her head proudly. "I made it myself," she added. "See, this one has manners," Unique said as an aside to Blaine, but Kurt could tell that the teasing was good natured.

The waitress came by at that point to take their orders. One of the things that Kurt would always love about the city is that she didn't even bat an eyelash at their seemingly odd group. "So um...how do you two know each other?"

"I saved his ass is how," Unique responded before Blaine had a chance to speak up. "Three years ago, this one comes stumbling into the Gay and Lesbian center in midtown, skinny as all get out hoping to stay there for the night."

"I had just been evicted from my apartment," Blaine said, looking a little grim, but not really upset. "I went though a difficult transition period when I first graduated college and going home wasn't really an option. It was a last resort I guess. Unique was volunteering at the front desk at the time and offered to take me home. I ended up living there for a few months while I got back on my feet and could move in with Marley, who had been my college room mate. She was a real life saver."

Unique's features had softened as Blaine told the story. It was obvious that there was a real affection between the two, even though she liked to tease. "I also got him his first job in comedy," Unique said, face turning into a mischievous grin again.

"I'm not sure that really counts as a job in comedy..." Blaine said, some reluctance in his voice.

Kurt could tell there was a possibly amusing story there and pressed the subject, "what was the job then?" he asked.

Blaine sighed, sensing that there was no way around telling Kurt the full tale, "have you ever heard of reading? Like, the drag term?" Kurt nodded. Again, he was no expert, but he watched enough LOGO to know the basics. "Well, since it can get pretty harsh, a lot of clubs have moles in the audience that the queens can make fun of if the audience isn't reacting as well as usual. It also gives them an opportunity to have fall back jokes if there aren't enough interesting people in the club. Unique got me one of those jobs at the club she works at on the weekends."

Blaine learned in that moment that he didn't love Kurt's true laughter any less when it was at his own expense, "oh my god, Blaine!" Kurt said, practically wheezing he was laughing so hard, "how have you never mentioned that in any of your routines! That is golden!" Kurt said between belly laughs.

"I don't know if I'm over the emotional trauma, yet," Blaine said, unable to stop from cracking a smile at Kurt's laughter. "Maybe after another three years."

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"Excuse me," Kurt said, after the trio had ordered dessert and more coffee, "I just have to go to the bathroom. We can talk business as soon as I get back." The three of them had such a good time chatting that they had completely forgotten to talk about the magazine, but Unique promised they would talk about advertising if Kurt splurged with her on a piece of cheese cake.

"Please tell me you're getting a piece of that," Unique stage whispered to Blaine as soon as he felt Kurt was out of ear shot.

Blaine blushed a little, "we're just friends, 'Nique. He's way out of my league."

"Boy, don't make me smack you upside that pretty little head. The only league he's out of, is the fictional one you've made up in your mind," Unique chastised. "You need to take your head out of that perky butt of yours and take a look in the mirror, maybe get the prescription changed on those Rivers Cuomo glasses you insist on wearing. You are a catch, Blaine and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot. You're kind, funny, and cute. I would add smart to that list if you weren't being so dumb. You better ask that boy out before someone beats you to it."

"They were Buddy Holly glasses first," Blaine mumbled, avoiding the point. Unique leveled him with an all to familiar glare. "I'll think about it, okay? I'll think about it."

Before they could say anything else, Kurt was walking back up to the table and the waitress was handing out three pieces of strawberry cheesecake.

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"Look, I have no problem with advertising for a drag store in my periodical," Kurt said. Blaine was impressed by the way Kurt conducted himself. They had been goofing around the entire time, but when it was time to talk business, Kurt was as savvy as they come. "I'm just wondering what's in it for you. I want this to be a long term partnership. I can't afford to change my advertisers every month. I'm swamped as it is."

"I understand your concerns," Unique responded, also in business mode, "but the fact of the matter is, queens love fashion, whether there's a drag in the front of the word or not. I'd be willing to bet that given the places you sell _Kurtain_ and who I know who reads it, most of your readers are in the LGBTQ community as it is. I think it would be a smart move for you. And anyway, your style is bold and quirky and the drag queens I know happen to love it," Kurt smiled and nodded his thanks for the compliment, but he still looked slightly unconvinced. "Look, how about this. I'll start carrying your magazine in my store in addition to buying adds. I'd sell it for a profit of course, but I think I could really up your readership."

Kurt thought the suggestion over for a moment, but really this was as good a deal as he could imagine getting. When Blaine first told him he had a friend that may want to advertise with him, Unique was definitely not what he was expecting, but he was starting to think that this it might be the good kind of unexpected, "you ma'am have got yourself a deal," Kurt said, reaching his hand out to Unique.

"How old do you think I am?" Unique responded with a wink so that Kurt knew she was joking around. "I'm not a ma'am, I'm a miss," she said, meeting Kurt's hand for the shake.

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"There's this thing we all do sometimes," Blaine started his set at the club that night. Usually he liked a little more time to prepare new material, but this one came to him in a stroke of what he hoped was brilliance, and he couldn't resist using it immediately. "Or at least I tell myself that everyone does it because it makes me feel like less of a loser," Blaine said, shaking his head a bit at his own expense, "but what we all do, for the sake of argument, is make shit up in front of people we want to know better or who we want to impress."

Blaine paced to the other end of the stage, folding his hands and shaking his head, a performing style he'd picked up ever since he started letting out his true awkward persona in his comedy, "and I'm not just talking about people we're trying to flirt with or ask out on a date. That's part of it, but I really mean anyone that we're impressed with."

"Like the other day," Blaine began, "I met this comedian that I really look up to and he was wearing Rooney t-shirt. Now, the only thing I know about Rooney is that they are in fact a band, but the first thing out of my mouth was, 'I love that band,' and for the rest of the evening I had to have a fake conversation with this guy I look up to about a band, that I've never listened to," Blaine said pacing back the other way, "and this is my life, people. I do this to myself all the time. Once...just once I decided to be totally open and honest with a guy I was trying to pick up in a bar and I ended up telling him that I pee in the shower," there was a smattering of laughter in the audience and Blaine looked up and decided to add at the last second, "but really who doesn't?"

"Then there's this guy, and I'm probably going to regret saying this because he's here right now, but anyway," Blaine said, purposely avoiding Kurt's eyes. "He's one of those guys that just like, has his shit together, you know? He's just sort of got life figured out and he has this great fashion magazine that's still just starting out, but I'm pretty sure will be the next _Vogue_ and he's just generally an impressive guy. I decided that I wanted to impress him. Maybe we could be friends or something and he won't think I'm a total idiot."

Blaine took a sip of water before he continued, "so I'm talking to him and he mentions that he's trying to find ad buyers for his magazine and I open my mouth like an idiot to tell him that I have a friend who owns a boutique shop and she might be interested because she also reads his magazine," Blaine stops and shakes his head. "What I neglected to mention, is that this friend of mine is a drag queen who runs a store...for other drag queens," the crowd laughed even harder at that. "God, I'm a mess..."

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"It turned out alright in the end I think," Kurt said, sliding Blaine's beer towards him. Blaine looked gratefully at the familiar gesture. "I loved meeting Unique."

Blaine sipped at his beer and smiled at Kurt, glad that he was choosing not to mention the more embarrassing fact that Blaine had essentially worshipped Kurt on stage that night. "I guess it did, but that's a rare treat in my world."

Kurt hummed in understanding before taking a deep breath. He was going to do this, "and if you wanted to get to know me better, you should have just said so," Blaine looked up, alarmed. He wasn't getting off so easy after all. "Would you um...would you like to maybe go out some time, just the two of us? We can both get to know each other better."

Blaine's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets at the suggestion, but there was only one answer he could possibly give, "I...I would love to. That would be amazing, Kurt."

**Reading: a drag performing technique where they make fun of each other or people in the audience. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure it's on youtube or something haha.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Holy smokes. This is probably one of the longest chapters I've written for a story ever. Blaine's comedy routine is slightly longer in this one to pay homage to the fact that he's getting more stage time at the club. Our little failing comedian!Blaine is not failing so much anymore! Also, no matter what goes down in the horrible world we call canon, I assure you my stories will remain relatively light and happy. I don't like angst. I don't really like reading it or seeing it and I don't really like writing it if I avoid it. If I can gripe a bit, I sometimes find that fics have unnecessary and unrealistic amounts of angst just to add plot, but that's just me. I know some people love it! **

**Hmmm...fun fact: I've never seen _Titanic_ or _Star Wars_. My friends constantly rag on me for this fact and it's slightly annoying, but also amusing.**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda.**

"Dude, what are you doing?" Sam said, braving a few steps into Kurt's bedroom as the other man was violently tossing clothes out of his closet and onto his bed. "I haven't seen you have a clothes freak out like this since that year I was living with your family in high school. You're freaking me out, man."

"I just had them. I swear!" Kurt shouted, completely ignoring what Sam had just asked. "I wore them when we went disco bowling that one time with your gay cousin who you swore looked like Yigit Pura from Top Chef: Just Desserts, but actually looked more like Stoner Bret. I could have sworn that I hung them back up in here and I need them!"

"So...you're looking for...pants?" Sam asked dumbly, completely out of his element.

"Yes, pants!" Kurt shouted, throwing a sweater behind him that landed on Sam's head. "They were safety pin skinny trousers from the Thomas Engel Hart for Underground collection and they were completely impractical for bowling, but my ass looks fantastic in them," Kurt practically bellowed from inside his closet.

"Okay, well, I only understood about every other word of that, but I know what safety pins are," Sam said, plucking a pair of pants from the pile on the bed. "Are these by any chance them?"

Kurt finally turned his head out of the closet and immediately came rushing up to Sam, "Yes!" Kurt cried, grabbing the item out of his room mate's hands. "You are a life saver," Kurt said, folding the pants neatly and slipping them inside of his messenger bag, where he had already put a bright blue button down and one of his best Gucci ties.

"Okay..." Sam said, sitting down gingerly on the love seat in Kurt's room, "now that I've saved your life, do you mind telling me why you're re-enacting the phone scene from _Wet Hot American Summer_ with all of your clothes?"

Kurt finally had the presence of mind to look abashed, "I'm just...going out after work tonight and I wanted to wear these pants," Kurt said sitting cross legged on his bed and picking at a thread in his comforter, attempting to avoid Sam's eye. The club was dark on Mondays and it was also Blaine's day off from the telemarketing service, so Kurt and Blaine had decided to go out that Sunday night so they could stay out as late as they wanted. Kurt hadn't wanted to jinx anything so he didn't mention the date, if that's what it was, to Sam, or anyone else for that matter.

"Oh, do up and coming comedians really like when office supplies are involved in clothing designs?" Sam asked, only moderately seriously.

Kurt only allowed himself a few seconds of surprise that Sam had seen right through him before throwing a pillow at his room mate's head, "they're edgy!" Kurt said, folding his arms and pouting slightly. His face broke into a soft smile, however, when he thought about how much Blaine would love to hear someone refer to him as 'up and coming'.

"You're making your 'Blaine face', Hummel," Sam said, smiling wryly. "By next week I fear I might get a full on love struck gaze."

"I have a Blaine face?" Kurt asked, too curious to bother acting embarrassed.

"Yeah, every time you talk about him you get this gooey smile," Sam replied. "It would probably make me want to gag in any other situation, but I'm really happy for you man. You deserve someone."

"I...I don't even know if anything will come of it," Kurt said. "I mean...we're just going out for drinks. It's no big deal," he added.

"Well, he'd be an idiot not to fall for you. I mean, if I were into dudes, I would totally date you," Sam said, throwing the pillow back. "In fact, that lasagna you make might even be enough to turn someone gay, just so they could eat that for the rest of their life."

Kurt groaned and rolled his eyes, but truly he was grateful for his room mate's support.

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"I want to tell you guys a story about the last date that I went on," Blaine said, he was seated on the stool on stage. He had recently been promoted to opening comedy act (a whole ten minutes!) and he wanted to start everything off casually. "And I'm going to need you to stay with me on this one because this story starts weird and ends weird...and okay maybe the middle is weird, too," Blaine said shaking his head as the audience laughed.

"But, it all started about three months ago when I was watching the food network, specifically _Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives_," there were a few 'woos' and claps of recognition from the audience. "See, I find myself watching the food network a lot, especially that show. And, I thought it was just that I really like food, which is true, but I realized recently that there might be more to it. I think I just have a soft spot for that show because it's this really powerful lowest common denominator," Blaine started to explain. "Like, take my Dad and I for example. He works in finance and he spent most of my teenage years alternating among attempting to ignore the casual homophobia he had been raised with, ignoring my existence, and taking me on these weird manly bonding trips."

There were a few 'awws' mostly from women in the audience, but Blaine brushed them off, "No, I'm a comedian, you're supposed to laugh," he encouraged and there were a few chuckles in return. "My point, is that the two of us are about as different as can be, but we still look at that guy with the peroxide head and think, 'that man has the greatest job in the world,' and we look at the same ridiculous lobster hot dog with asian sauerkraut and say 'that looks fucking delicious', even though neither of us would ever actually go to a restaurant and order that in a million years."

"But I digress," Blaine said, taking a sip of his water. "So I'm watching the show and he's at this pickle stand that's right by my house that I decide that I have to go to. Please hold your gay jokes. It's too easy," Blaine said, giving the audience a mock warning look.

"So, I make my way there the next day and I decide I'm going to make a night of it because I'm one of those perpetually single people," Blaine explained. "Like, you know how you all have that one friend that just seems like they're never in a relationship and will be a bachelor for the rest of their lives? I'm that friend."

"And when you're single that indefinitely you find that you go through cycles of loneliness," Blaine said, once again waving off sounds of sympathy from the audience. "No, I'm serious, laughter, people, laughter. But, anyway, I'm not going to go through all of them, but the one I was in that particular month was the 'strong, independent, I don't need a man to make me happy' phase. For short I just call it 'Beyonce,'" there was more laughter from the audience. "So, I decide, that I'm going to treat myself to a jar of extra sour garlic pickles and then I'm going to take myself out for sushi. I made my first mistake at the check out counter of the pickle store because I decided that I was going to be environmentally friendly and forego a bag. I mean, I only had one item."

Blaine finally got off the stool and started pacing around the stage like he usually did, "And the pity party from the restaurant workers starts like...the second you say the words 'table for one' on a Friday night. I mean like, instantaneous, right?" Blaine said, pausing momentarily to imitate the face the hostess had given him that night. "But, I just sort of ignore her and go to my table. I set the jar on the table across from me and this is where that first mistake comes in because I realize that I am now on a date with a jar of pickles," there was a large round of laughter from the audience, probably one of Blaine's loudest laughs yet. He just shook his head in mild defeat in reference to the story, but was internally celebrating. "And, I understand the psycho-sexual implications of this entire scenario and I don't really know how to make myself sound less like I'm obsessed with penises, but there you go, I'm sitting at this table, surrounded by couples and I'm just minding my own business, waiting for my sushi with a jar of some of New York's finest pickles sitting across from me."

Blaine paced back across the stage and chanced a glance at Kurt who had abandoned his post making drinks in favor of just sitting and watching Blaine, "Now, this is the point in the story that things got even more weird, if you can believe it," Blaine said. "Because I'm sitting there and I just feeling like, not only are these people in the restaurant judging me, but this jar of pickles is judging me. The point of going out by yourself is to avoid judgement, but all I can see is the hechsher on the jar starting at me like cyclops. And I might add that a few years ago I had never even heard the word hechsher, because apart from large buildings and tolerance, the one thing New York has that Westerville, Ohio does not have, is Jews," Blaine said, and there were more laughs from the audience. "But now, there's one staring at me and I don't care what anyone says, not you not my psychiatrist, but that hechsher is judging me and it got in the way of me enjoying my salmon roll. And let me tell you, I never thought that a jar of pickled cucumbers would be responsible for knocking me out of Beyonce mode at least a week early."

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Once the show was finished for the night, Blaine made his way back to the bar just as Kurt was cleaning up, "I think that was your best one yet," Kurt said smiling brightly. "They loved you."

Blaine blushed, "I worked hard on it. I'm relieved it went over well," he replied, humbly.

"It definitely did," Kurt encouraged. "Let me just get changed out of my uniform and we can get going. I know this great little place not far from here where we can get a drink and talk for a while," Kurt said, slipping off his apron and clocking out.

About fifteen minutes later, Kurt emerged in the outfit he had picked out earlier and Blaine thought that his face was going to melt, "You look amazing," he said, gaping at the other man, "and I look like a slob. Are you sure you're okay with being seen with me?" Blaine joked, but really, he was entirely serious. He looked worriedly down at his own outfit of well fitting, dark washed jeans and a purple v-neck t-shirt.

"Don't be silly," Kurt said, preening under the compliment. "You look great," Kurt said, "But I'm glad you like my outfit. Just follow me," Kurt said, grabbing Blaine's hand and pulling him out the door into the streets of upper west side Manhattan.

Blaine took a moment to relish the feeling of Kurt's hand in his. It had been such a long time since Blaine dared to hope that there might be someone out there that was for him to have and hold hands with and love with all his heart, but with Kurt around he was starting to believe. His hand was warm and soft and Blaine adored the way that his thumb would brush casually over his knuckles, like it was nothing.

"It's just a bit further," Kurt said, breaking Blaine from his thoughts. "I hope I can at least surpass the standard set by that jar of pickles," Kurt teased as he led Blaine into a softly lit bar.

Blaine couldn't help himself. He had to confirm, "so this...this is a date then?" Blaine asked pulling Kurt so that they were facing each other, his expression hopeful.

"I you want it to be," Kurt replied, looking right into Blaine's eyes, a small smile on his lips.

"I do...I definitely do," Blaine said back, giving Kurt's hand a squeeze. The two sat down at the bar and started to peruse the menu. The place had a laid back vibe. It was a bit noisy, but it was noise that came from a lot of different conversations as opposed to drunken shouting. "I'll have a Makers Mark, neat," Blaine told the bar tender and Kurt ordered a vodka martini, extra dirty.

"It's nice to have someone else make me a drink for once," Kurt said, handing his card to the man behind the bar and waving off Blaine's attempt to pay. "I'm the one that asked you. Next time you can pay," Kurt added and Blaine was too pleased at the promise of a next time to argue.

"So tell me more about yourself. I feel like I've spent an embarrassing amount of time baring my soul to you every night at the club," Blaine said, taking a sip of his whiskey. "I want to hear about Kurt Hummel's rise to fashion god."

Kurt pinked slightly at the compliment, "I don't know about fashion god," he said, but he continued to speak anyway. "I moved here when I graduated high school. The original plan was to go to NYADA and study musical theater, but I got rejected and I ended up interning with for my first year in New York, and things just went from there. My supervisor at the time told me that she thought I could have a really amazing career in fashion journalism if I just went for it, so I did. I started _Kurtain _with a few of my friends after I graduated design school and we've been plugging away ever since. It's hard work and it sort of sucks to have to bartend at night, but I would do anything to continue to work on that project," Kurt said, pausing to take a sip of his own drink. "Plus, if I didn't need extra money so badly, I would never have met you."

It was Blaine's turn to pink slightly, "You're incredible, you know that?" Blaine said, the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them, but the heart stopping grin that came to Kurt's face once he had said it made Blaine glad, for once, that he had no filter.

"You're pretty incredible yourself," Kurt replied.

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Hours later, the couple was still talking as if they'd been friends for years. They both lost track of time as conversation flowed easily between the two. At around two in the morning, Kurt finally glanced down at his watch, "Oh my god, Blaine," Kurt cried. "It's nearly two in the morning. We're been talking for three hours."

Blaine looked down at his own watch, a shocked expression on his face, "crap, I've never taken the Subway all the way to Williamsburgh this late. I better look up what tracks to take, on my phone."

"Wait, you live in _Williamsburgh?_" Kurt asked. "Blaine you can't go all the way back there this late. It's almost an hour away and if you get mugged or stabbed I could never live with myself," Kurt pouted and clasped Blaine's hand a little tighter. "I...I'm sorry if this sounds presumptuous, but you can totally stay at mine tonight. I'm just on the edge of Washington Heights. We can walk there from here and I know it's only our first date, so you can even sleep on the couch. I can't make you ride all the way back there by yourself. Oh my god this is all my fault I should have looked at my watch or taken you somewhere that was closer to where..."

Blaine had never experienced Kurt in panic mode before, but in later years he would look back on this moment as the first of many times that he would use the same trick to calm him down. Without stopping to think about it, Blaine grasped Kurt's chin and pulled the man in for a soft kiss, "if it would make you feel better I'll stay over at your place tonight. Don't worry about it," Blaine said, barely moving his head back so that his lips brushed against Kurt's while he talked. He tried not to think to hard about how unbelievably good it felt to be this close to Kurt or how amazing the other man smelled.

"You just kissed me," Kurt said in a voice that could only be described as dreamy.

"Was...was it okay?" Blaine asked, nervous for the first time since he'd initiated that kind of contact. Kurt just answered him by pulling Blaine in for another, longer kiss, before tugging him up by the hand and leading them back to his place. Blaine didn't end up sleeping on the couch that night.

**Hechsher: the symbol on packaged food that indicates that it is a Kosher product. It's typically a K or a U inside of a circle, but there are tons of different symbols indicating kosher-ness. They are all called hechshers. **


	6. Chapter 6

**So a bunch of you have asked me about my thoughts/head-canons/ideas about this next episode (I won't give details for spoiler reasons, but you know if you know). I wrote a rather lengthy piece about my feelings that I disclaimed like nuts, but it you're interested, I would be honored if you want to check it out. It's on my tumblr (practical-amanda). I would also love to hear anything that you guys have to say on the subject/responses/corrections/gripes about what I said. Some of what I said I know will be controversial, but I love chatting about this stuff and I'm not defensive about it haha. I just think everyone's different ideas are super interesting.**

**Hmmm...fun fact: I love training for and running triathlons in my spare time.**

**Parts in Italics are flashbacks to the night Kurt and Blaine spent together.**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda.**

"I'm going to admit something embarrassing to you all right now and for any of you who have seen my standup before, this shouldn't be anything new," Blaine began. Tuesdays were typically their slowest nights in the club, so he found that it was the best time to try out new material if he wasn't sure about it. "Up until a few nights ago, I had never woken up next to anyone before."

"I'd had one night stands and even relationships, but I'd never gotten to that step," Blaine said, back to pacing the stage. "For whatever reason, it just never happened for until recently and I think it stagnated my understanding of something. And that, is that there is a huge difference between something being sensual and something being intimate," Blaine started to explain. "Sensuality can be, and mostly is intimate. Intimacy is most definitely not always sensual. Lap dances are sensual. Sharing nose hair clippers is intimate."

_After a rather charged walk , Kurt and Blaine finally made it to Kurt's apartment and into Kurt's bedroom. As soon as the door was closed behind him and Kurt had sent a warning text to Sam, his lips were back on Blaine's. It was the kind of kiss that Blaine felt in his whole body—in the tips of his fingers and toes and deep in his soul. It was a deep and caring kiss, insistent, but unhurried and so mind-numbingly good that Blaine had a difficult time thinking about anything besides the way Kurt was making him feel._

"_You feel amazing," Kurt whispered into the kiss as he rucked Blaine's shirt up so he could run his fingers lightly over Blaine's stomach. "Can I?" Kurt asked, making a gesture to ask if he could take off Blaine's shirt. He had at least enough presence of mind to nod furiously._

"And I think it's a pity that we're not taught this lesson sooner because I think people get confused sometimes, when they're getting into a relationship," Blaine continued, "because if I'm not mistaken, intimacy should come before sensuality, but that's pretty much never what happens."

"I'm not judging," Blaine clarified. "I think people should do whatever they want as long as they're happy, but I just don't understand how people do it. How do you become intimate with a complete stranger without being painfully aware of the fact that at any moment you could fart or accidentally snort or sneeze in the middle of a blow job and get snot on someone's...well you know."

"_Kurt...wait," Blaine said. The two of them were now on the bed, Kurt on top of Blaine, both of them down to their underwear (red boxer briefs for Blaine and snowman print boxers for Kurt, that Blaine decided he would have to rib him for later). After about a half hour of making out, Blaine finally had a moment of clarity...or was it a moment of insanity._

"_Oh my god," Kurt said, back in panic mode...the thing that Blaine had been trying to avoid when he'd initiated contact in the first place. "Is everything okay? Am I hurting you?" Kurt rolled off, apologizing over and over again._

"_No, no, wait. Come back!" Blaine said quickly, shuffling over so that he was now the one on top. "I said wait, not stop," Blaine said with a tiny smile at the way Kurt's face seemed in instantly relax in relief. _

"And maybe it's just me," Blaine said. "Maybe it's my own crazy neurosis, but I can't remember the last time I was physically intimate with some and actually felt sensual. I should be able to be in the moment with that person who is probably attempting to make me feel good in some way. I shouldn't be lying there thinking well...at least I can restart the clock on the last time I've had sex."

"_I just...I really like you," Blaine said, tilting his fore head so that it was resting on Kurt's and squeezing his eyes shut, willing his brain to shut up. "Like...a lot."_

"_Um...good," Kurt said, leaning in for another kiss. "I like you a lot, too," Kurt murmured against his lips._

_Blaine felt his heart flutter at that and allowed himself to enjoy the kiss for a little bit longer before pulling away. _

"And waking up next to someone is even scarier," Blaine continued. "I mean the possible things that you could do in your sleep are like...meteoric when compared to the things you do when you're awake. Like, what if I say something embarrassing while I'm sleeping...or snore...or drool. It's like, how do people do it. I'm gross! I gross myself out with how I look and smell in the morning. How could I subject someone else to that?"

_He couldn't help but think that the way Kurt chased his lips and let out a little frustrated huff was incredibly cute. "And I...I want everything with you, Kurt, but I..."_

"_Blaine what is it?" Kurt asked, all traces of frustration gone from his voice and instead all Blaine heard was concern. _

"_Okay...um...this is going to sound really cheesy, but I don't really know any other way to say it so I'm just going to come out with it," Kurt nodded encouragingly. "I'm not a virgin...I...I've had sex before, but...I've never...made love, you know?" Blaine said, forcing himself not to break eye contact. "I just...I want so much with you and...and when we do take that step I...I just don't ever want to, just have sex with you, Kurt."_

_Kurt just lay there, frozen, staring unblinkingly back at Blaine, totally unprepared to respond to something so beautiful. No one had said anything even remotely like that the Kurt before. But Blaine, poor, self conscious Blaine took his silence the wrong way and immediately started to backtrack. "Oh my god. You probably think I'm some insane, clingy freak and now I'm practically naked in your bed." Blaine started to get up. "I'll just go sleep on the couch. I'll be out before you get up in the morning."_

"_Blaine!' Kurt shouted, completely ignoring the fact that his room mate was in the next room over. He grabbed the other man by the wrist and pulled him into a tight, warm, bone-crushing hug. "That *kiss* was *kiss* the *kiss* most romantic thing *kiss* that anyone has ever said to me," Kurt said, finally shutting Blaine up. "Can I make a request, though," Kurt asked, pulling Blaine back onto the bed._

"_Of course," Blaine said without a second thought._

"_Can I hold you while you fall asleep?" Kurt asked and Blaine agreed easily, allowing himself to be spooned with Kurt's strong arms around his middle. "Goodnight, Blaine."_

"_Goodnight, Kurt."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hmmm...fun fact: My URL comes from the song "Practical Amanda" by Ben Folds ( watch?v=4BkVyg9gRQ8). No artist has touched my life so consistently for so long the way that Ben Folds has. I've been listening to him since I was in fourth grade and I heard "Kate" on a mix CD my big brother let me listen to. Incidentally I still think that "Kate" is one of the most romantic songs in the universe.**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda.**

"Kid's good," a woman, who was sitting at the bar and sipping an Appletini, remarked when she noticed that Kurt was watching. She was dressed casually, but in a manner that was slightly more upscale than the usual clientele at the club. She was wearing dark, slim fit jeans, a white blouse, and a navy blazer. A large gold statement piece hung obtrusively around her neck. Her dirty blonde hair was tied back in a loose chignon. "I'm surprised I've never seen him before."

Kurt flushed nervously at being caught watching the show instead of wiping glasses and refilling the bar like he was supposed to be doing, but the women didn't even seem to notice so he just smile politely and responded, "Um...he's not new per say," Kurt explained. "But, he used to just be the presenter. His comedy has been getting much better, though and the manager decided to give him the first slot as well."

Kurt smiled softly over at Blaine. His last routine, the one about intimacy was smart, and Kurt had liked it, but it didn't get the laughs that he was hoping for, so tonight he was trying to make it fit in with his pickle story, a routine he had been honing and adding to for the past few nights.

"And I'll say as a side note, that no show makes me hungrier than _Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives_," Blaine said from the stage, Kurt ears perked up because Blaine was about to make a joke he hadn't heard before. "So I inevitably end up lying on the couch eating popcorn or chips, thinking that I'm going to choke to death and die, but sitting up would just be too much..."

Kurt and the women both laughed along with the audience, "you know I travel to comedy clubs and open mic nights all around the city for my job, and it's depressingly rare to come across someone that actually entertains me," the woman mused. She seemed as if she was almost talking to herself and Kurt just happened to be there. "He's rough around the edges and he has a lot of work to do, but he definitely has that whole pathetic likeability thing down. And he's cute too, which is always a plus," the woman added, making a note on a little pad that Kurt hadn't noticed before.

He felt a small, irrational flare of jealousy in his gut, but he quickly dismissed it in order to question something the woman had said, "wait, what?" he asked. "What's your job then?"

The woman looked startled, as if she really had been talking to herself, and had completely forgotten that Kurt was there, and likely listening, "Oh, I'm a talent scout for an agency in the city," she explained. "I'm usually just nosing around the city for anyone the agency could take on, but we haven't had a good comedy act in ages and I'm thinking this kid could end that streak."

Kurt's head snapped towards the woman, "I...I'll introduce you to him," Kurt said quickly, "He's...he's a friend of mine and I'm sure he would love to discuss working with you."

"And I mean, maybe it's just been a while, but sexual intimacy and the intimacy we share with our food is not all that different," Blaine said, once again drawing Kurt and the agent's attention to the stage. "Think about the noises we make when we're enjoying something particularly delicious, 'mmmm,'" Blaine said, closing his eyes and making an over exaggerated noise of pleasure. "And, I don't know about anyone else, but once in a while, I like to eat macaroni and cheese in the tub."

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"Hey, Kurt," Blaine said, bounding off the stage once the audience had filed out and planting a smacking kiss on his cheek. The woman that was still sitting at the bar raised he eyebrows slightly at the exchange, but didn't say anything. "What did you think? I know I tried the macaroni and cheese joke out on you before, but I don't know, did it..."

"Blaine," Kurt interrupted, chuckling at his enthusiasm, "I wold be pleased to discuss the details with you later, but there's someone here who wants to meet you."

Blaine looked over and noticed the agent sitting at the bar for the fist time, "Oh...um, hi," Blaine said, looking a little confused, but friendly as ever.

"It's nice to meet you, Blaine," she replied. "My name is Sandra. I work for Emanon Inc., it's a talent agency in midtown," Blaine's eyes widened and he sent a quick glance at Kurt who as just smiling encouragingly. "We just book things around the New York Metropolitan area, nothing too major, but I'd like to bring you into our office to float the possibility of taking you on."

"Really?" Blaine said, bouncing on the balls of his feet, barely able to contain his excitement. "That...that would be amazing."

"You show great promise, Blaine," Sandra said, handing Blaine her card. "Call my office tomorrow to make an appointment. I look forward to seeing you again," and with that she drained her Appletini, threw a few dollars on the table for Kurt, and was out the door.

Blaine looked shell shocked, "I can't believe that just happened," he said simply, taking a slow sip of his beer. "I...Kurt things could actually work out for me. I might actually become a professional comedian"

Kurt leaned over and returned Blaine's kiss from earlier, "I know the perfect way to celebrate."

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"Do you think it would be too weird for me to write a joke about borrowing someone else's swim trunks?" Blaine asked, glancing down at his lower half. Kurt had taken him back to his apartment, whipped up some mac and cheese, and the two of them were sitting in a bubble bath in their bathing suits, enjoying a late night snack. Blaine was trying to enjoy the moments, but his head was buzzing with jokes about indirect frontage.

Kurt giggled, "um...I guess it would depend on the joke," Kurt said, taking an oversized bite of macaroni, "but I can almost see the wheels turning in your head, Blaine. This is supposed to be about relaxation!"

The two men were on either side of the tub, their legs were tangled in the middle, "okay, but tomorrow you have to promise to let me freak out and over think everything before my meeting with the agency," Blaine said, nudging Kurt's thigh with his foot.

"Deal," Kurt said, putting his bowl on the floor of the bathroom and tugging on Blaine's arm until he was tucked in between Kurt's legs. "But for now, I'm done talking."

**Okay, sorry this too forever to get out and then it wasn't that long, but this week was sort of crazy and emotional and I kept changing my mind on how I wanted it to go, but things should be moving along pretty steadily from this point on.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hmmm...fun fact: One of my favorite things to do besides write, is play my mandolin. I used to have a bluegrass duo with my friend from college who plays the banjo. Any of you who read Brix Brax, he's the guy who I based Ian on. We did mostly bluegrass arrangements of pop tunes and mashups. People were particularly fond of our rendition of "Rockin' That Shit the Remix" by the Dream ft. Ludacris. It's one of the most decadent rap songs I've ever heard and remains my greatest lyric learning feat to date. We also did a great mashup of "Teenage Dream" and "Brainwasht" by Ben Folds. It was fun and silly, but we enjoyed it haha.**

**Also I wrote two one shots. One is called _No Dads Allowed_ and it's just a big ball of fluff in reaction to the terrible episode. The other is called _I'll be Waiting _and it's not that fluffy, but it's not really all that angsty either...it has a happy ending, but it's about Kurt and Blaine's reunion, five years down the road. I would be honored if you guys would check them out.**

**Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda.**

"Oh...um, sorry," Blaine said, blushing furiously and slowly backing out of the kitchen area, and back into the safety of Kurt's bedroom. After their snack the previous night, Kurt and Blaine had settled under the covers of Kurt's bed and watched _Pirate Radio*,_ a favorite of both men. Blaine had woken up early because of a pressing need to go to the bathroom. He figured he would surprise Kurt with coffee in bed, but he hadn't counted on two, relatively intimidating looking men sitting at the kitchen table. "I'll just..." Blaine started lamely, gesturing behind him.

"No way! Come join us," one of them said, pointing towards a seat at the kitchen table. He had floppy blonde hair and a giant smile that immediately made him appear about a million times less intimidating. "It's Blaine, right?" he asked. Blaine walked over, gingerly sat down in the chair the man had pointed to, and nodded in agreement. "I'm Sam. I'm Kurt's room mate," he said, reaching out a hand for a shake. "And this is our friend Puck. He's just visiting," Sam added and Blaine shook both of their hands.

"I...um...I'm a friend of Kurt's. I didn't mean to interrupt your breakfast," Blaine stuttered out. Blaine had been in his fair share of awkward situations, but this was a new one.

Both Sam and Puck raised an eyebrow at the word 'friend', but they didn't say anything about it. "You're not interrupting. I've actually been dying to meet you. Kurt won't shut up about you," Sam insisted, pushing a plate of toasted Eggos towards blaine. "Here, have a waffle."

Blaine pinked slightly at hearing that Kurt had talked about him, but gratefully took a waffle anyway, "Thanks," Blaine said and then there was more awkward silence.

"So you're a comedian?" Puck asked, finally breaking the quiet.

Blaine chuckled, grateful for the easy topic, "well, that's very generous. I like to refer to it as being professionally humiliated for the benefit of an audience, but yes, I would probably put 'stand up comedian' on a resume," Blaine said, taking a bite of the waffle. "What um...what do you guys do for a living?"

"You know that super hero supply store/tutoring center in Brooklyn?" Sam asked and Blaine nodded. "I'm the manager. It's pretty awesome. I get to combine a love of comic books and working with kids. I can't really think of anything better," Sam added.

"That sounds really cool," Blaine said, genuinely impressed. "What about you?" Blaine said, turning to Puck and finally starting to feel at ease.

"I like to call myself a gypsy," Puck said vaguely.

Sam rolled his eyes, "that's his evasive way of saying that he does odd jobs wherever and whenever he can, to make a living," Sam explained. "We've all been friends since high school," Sam added. "I feel like I should be giving you some sort of obligatory 'you hurt my friend I hurt you' speech, but I'll spare you. You seem like a nice guy, Blaine, and you make Kurt really happy. That's all that matters to me."

"I...I mean we're just...," Blaine started to respond.

"...Friends. We know," Puck finished for him with a roll of his eyes. "Friends that text twenty four seven and take baths together. We get it," Puck said, laughing at Blaine's stricken expression, "don't look so surprised, the walls aren't sound proof, you know."

"Guys, why are you torturing Blaine?" Kurt said, finally walking into the kitchen. Blaine sighed in relief as Kurt slipped into the chair between Blaine and Puck.

"We weren't torturing him. We just wanted to get to know him a little," Puck said, taking a gigantic bite of waffle.

Kurt made a face of disgust and daintily took a waffle of his own, "Yeah, okay, I totally believe you," Kurt said with a smirk. He squeezed Blaine's knee under the table as a reassuring gesture. "What are you gentleman doing on this fine Tuesday?"

"Puck has a job on the lower east side at like eleven so he's going to come with me when I leave for work," Sam replied. "What about you guys?"

"Blaine has a meeting to go to at ten and I have to get the next issue of _Kurtain _printed and distributed," Kurt looked down at his watch. "Unique is expecting her stack in about four hours. Best not keep the drag queen waiting," Kurt said, nudging Blaine's foot under the table.

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"So, communicating with other humans is hard." Blaine said, deciding that he would go for a cold open in his routine tonight. "Okay good. That joke is funny tonight," Blaine said, responding to the audience's laughter. "The blood alcohol content in the room must be high enough."

"It shouldn't be so hard and it's a huge problem because during the day I work as a telemarketer. That job necessitates a certain flare for inane chatter," Blaine continue. "And, I've yet to master the art of chatting with someone without it sounding like I learned how to have a conversation from a book, and didn't study quite hard enough."

"Like, right now, I have no problem standing up in front of you people and sharing the deepest recesses of my brain," Blaine explained. "But the other day I met someone for the first time and, I think I was trying to ask them what kind of music they listen to, but what actually came out was: 'how many bands do you listen to?'"

One of the first perks that Blaine had acquired now that he had an agent was more time at the club. Sandra had called the manager the same day as their meeting. She had insisted that someone who had been at the club for so long, and who was now actually attracting guests on his own, deserved to go right before the headliner, at least. It was amazing what a business card with the words 'talent agent' could do for you.

"And I think that maybe part of the problem is that at any given time, there are a billion things running through my head, and I would say only about seventy to eighty percent of them are appropriate enough to come out of my mouth and I'm not that good at differentiating," Blaine continued. "Like, the other day, this guy that I'm seeing lent me a pair of his swim trunks because we wanted to eat in the tub together...and case in point that sounded totally normal in my head, but now that I've said it out loud..."

There was some laughter from the audience and he saw Kurt almost spill the beer he was carrying when he heard what Blaine had said, but there was a soft smile on his face. "But he lends me his swim trunks and all I can think is that I'm basically indirectly touching this guys penis," Blaine chuckled a bit at that and shook his head. "And yeah, this inability to have a normal conversation, it messes with my work life. It messes with my dating life. It's a miracle this guy is dating me at all because I want to tell you the story of the last date I had gone on previous to him..." Blaine then launched into his now, much more well polished version of the pickle story.

That was the best thing about having more time at the club. Of course, he got paid more, and he was getting more recognition, but for the first time in Blaine's comedy career, he was afforded the opportunity to actually put together a full fledged routine.

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"You were wonderful tonight, Blaine," Kurt said, leaning over the bar to give Blaine a kiss with his nightly drink. "I'm so proud of you," Kurt added.

"Thanks," Blaine said shyly. "You don't mind that I...you know..."

Kurt laughed, "no I don't mind," Kurt said. "I actually thought it was cute. Although, I didn't know that's what you were thinking when I loaned you those trunks," Kurt said with a wink.

Blaine pinked slightly, but decided to just change the subject, "so did you get the magazine out alright?"

"Yup," Kurt replied, coming around the bar to sit next to Blaine. "It should be out by tomorrow. I think this issue will do really well. I think the having Unique as a partner in advertising and distribution is really going to make a difference. Plus, I have the cutest cover boy in the history of the magazine," Kurt said, nudging Blaine's shoulder with his own.

"Should I be jealous?" Blaine asked, a mock look of shock and concern on his face. "I don't want some floozy in a cute outfit to steel my man. I don't know if you can tell by my act, but it's not so easy for me to harpoon a boyfriend. It's probably because I use words like harp—Kurt?"

Kurt's face had quickly gone from one of mild amusement at Blaine's antics to an unreadable wide-eyed expression, "you...you just called me your boyfriend."

There were a million exclamations swirling through Blaine's head. They ranged from 'I should get myself a muzzle' to 'you might be the biggest idiot on planet earth', but all that came out of blaine mouth was a tiny, "um...yeah...I guess I did."

Suddenly, without any thought for the maintenance workers that were still puttering around the club, Kurt pulled Blaine in for a long, open mouth kiss. "Don't panic, Blaine. I can see the panic behind your eyes," Kurt panted out when he finally pulled away.

"Does...does this mean we're boyfriends now?" Blaine asked tentatively.

"Of course it does, dummy," Kurt said, yanking Blaine out the door by his hand, leaving his beer forgotten on the bar, only stopping briefly for Blaine to get his coat. Blaine had never been more grateful for his inability to talk to humans.

**Here, have the most awkward get together in all of Klaine fanfiction history (maybe not, but it seemed like it while I was writing it haha).**

***_Pirate Radio_ is an awesome movie. You should all see it, but it's worth mentioning that in every country besides the United States, it was released as _The Boat That Rocked_.**


	9. Chapter 9

**So, I've had a few questions about this, and I just want to clarify that, for better or for worse, all of the comedy you see in this story is written entirely by me. This next chapter caused me some stress. That's why it took so long, but when you get to the end and possibly want to punch me in the mouth, remember that this story is ultimately meant to be a comedy. But, you know what Woody Alan said, tragedy+time=comedy (or possibly the ever relevant edit by Simon Amtell, comedy+time+joke, because "you can't just have something horrible happen to you, and then wait").**

**Rascals and its location are completely fake.**

**Fun fact: Although I do typically vote for the Democratic candidate, I personally identify as a democratic socialist and I was one of the founding organizers of the largest conference of young democratic socialists in Ohio. **

**0000000000**

_**The Difference Between Sounding Funny and Looking Funny**_

_The first word that comes to mind when describing Blaine Anderson's (our cover boy) style, is 'quirky'. Unfortunately, these days, that word has been commandeered by mediocre indie movies whose soundtracks outshine the acting, and Zoey Deschenel._

"_Maybe those two things go hand in hand," Anderson suggests with a chuckle. And that's how our entire interview went, we would make a suggestion or ask a question and Anderson would fire back, proving his quick whit. _

_It shouldn't come as much of a surprise, Anderson is a budding stand up act, currently displaying his talents as a regular at one of the city's most popular comedy clubs_

"_My comedy act is not what I would call whimsical," Anderson explains. "Sometimes the audience ends up giving me a collective 'awww' instead of laughing, so I try to make my clothing choices a little on the lighter side...actually whimsical is probably a good word to describe my wardrobe."_

_We totally agree. Anderson's dark wash jeans and lobster patterned, v-neck cardigan, that _Kurtain Magazine_ photographed him wearing on a typical Sunday afternoon, is classy without being stuffy and playful without being childish. _

_We agree about his comedy act as well, although we will say that there were significantly more laughs than sounds of sympathy. After capturing his outfit on the street, we decided to go see Anderson's style in action. His entire act can be summed up by his opening lines, "so talking to other human beings is hard, isn't it?" _

_Anderson himself lists comedians like Simon Amstell, Mike Barbiglia, and even Woody Alan as his major influences, and almost immediately, we can see why. Watching Anderson do comedy is like watching someone verbally disembowel himself on stage, and no subject is too personal. He's absolutely right, his comedy is not light. It's not whimsical, but he manages to take the phrase, 'it's funny because it's true' to a whole new level._

_To hear Blaine Anderson's comedy, and get a peak at his expansive cardigan collection, visit Rascal's Comedy Club on 415 West 101st street. _

_-Kurtain Editorial Staff, Personal Interview by Elizabeth Quaid (all 'Kurtain's Cover Pick' stories are chosen by the editorial staff of _Kurtain Magazine_. All opinions are strictly ours. As always, feel free to tell us how wrong we are in our letters to the editor section.)_

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"Boy, you've been touched by an angel recently," Unique said, finally putting the magazine down after reading the article aloud to Blaine. "First the agent and now this. _Kurtain_ doesn't have a massive readership, but it's big enough that this means something, kid. And Kurt didn't even write the article himself, so it's probably all true," Unique added, taking a sip of her latte and sending Blaine a wink.

Blaine was still staring, shell shocked, at his own face on the cover of Kurt's magazine. "I...I can't believe it. They gave me a glowing review. Things like this never happen to me," Blaine said, looking down into his coffee cup. If Unique wasn't mistaken, she could have sworn she saw a stray tear roll down Blaine's cheek. Blaine hastily wiped it away and sent a grateful smile to Unique for pretending she hadn't noticed.

"I don't know what I can do to make you believe me, but you deserve it, honey," Unique said, squeezing Blaine's hand. "You're a good man and you work hard. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'll do may best," Blaine said, not really meaning it.

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Nights have always been the worst for Blaine. It's so easy for his brain to get away from him in the quiet and darkness of his bedroom. It was a little easier recently, when Kurt would sleep over or he would stay at Kurt's, but when it was just him, it was literally impossible for him to shut his brain off.

The loneliness, the self-loathing, all of the things that he joked about in his act were heart-breakingly real and when he wasn't recounting them for an audience, they were significantly less funny. Blaine huffed and rolled over onto his back, trying to get more comfortable and resigning himself to the fact that it would be a while before he fell asleep. He thought about taking out his journal, some of his best routines came from converting night time musings into comedy, but he wasn't in the mood. He was sad and the sadness was only compounded by the fact that he didn't feel like he deserved to be sad.

If Blaine was honest with himself, it started when he was really young, but it was easily justifiable at the time. He would tell himself that things were terrible and he was sad, but as soon as he got away from his homophobic family and stupid, homophobic Ohio, things would be better.

Then when he was in college, the things he told himself changed. He figured that as soon as he figured out what he wanted to do with his life and made some friends, he would be happy. When he decided on comedy and got himself in with a great group of people, he told himself that as soon as he struck out on his own and started doing comedy for real, he would be happy.

Then, he decided that even though he had a decent day job, a consistent comedy gig, and a nice apartment, he was unhappy because he was lonely. He didn't have someone to share his life with. But now he had Kurt and he was out of excuses. Kurt, who was sweet and caring and the most beautiful man Blaine had ever seen. Kurt, who supported his career so much that he put Blaine on the cover of his magazine. Kurt, who was like his own personal ray of sunshine. If he couldn't make Blaine happy, if he couldn't lift the depression he'd been struggling with since childhood, what hope did he have of ever changing?

Blaine sighed deeply and flipped over again, chasing the cool side of the pillow. He often considered going to one of his friends to talk about his issues, asking for help. He knows intellectually that he probably needs some sort of professional help, but no one else should have to be burdened with his problems. And besides, the knot that sticks in his throat every time he feels like he's ready to open up to someone, isn't going to magically disappear because of something as flimsy as logic.

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"Sorry I'm late!" Kurt called out breathlessly when he finally arrived at his and Blaine's favorite coffee place. His cheeks and nose were pink from the cold and he had a wide smile on his face. Before he put his bags down in his own chair, he came around the table to place a firm kiss on Blaine's cheek, his cold nose tickling Blaine's face. "The train came late this morning and I couldn't text you without going above ground again," he added, sitting down in front of the coffee that was already waiting for him. "Thanks for getting me my coffee."

"It's no problem," Blaine replied, smiling at his boyfriend. "I've only been waiting for a few minutes," Blaine said through a yawn.

"Tired, honey?" Kurt asked, forehead crinkled in concern.

Blaine waved his hand dismissively, "just need my coffee to kick in," Blaine said. He wanted to tell Kurt that he had spent most of the night lying awake, thinking sour thoughts, but he kept his mouth shut, as usual. "I read this week's issue of _Kurtain_," Blaine said, deflecting. "I can't thank you enough for running that article. It mean the world to me," Blaine added, reaching out to twine their fingers together.

"There was nothing in that article that wasn't true, Blaine," Kurt said. "I mean it."

Blaine smiled, "all the same, it was really nice," Blaine replied. "Let's hope you don't get any angry letters to the editor from anyone that actually comes to see me perform," Blaine joked, giving Kurt's hand a squeeze.

"Don't be silly," Kurt said, taking a sip of his coffee. "You're comedy is great, even the talent agent thought so. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," Kurt added, echoing what Unique had said the other day.

If only it were that easy.

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"They say when you have difficulty sleeping, you should try not to eat heavy meals before bed, you should turn off the computer or TV at least thirty minutes before sleeping, and you should cut out caffeine after noon," Blaine said that night at the club. "I'm not going to spend a lot of time pointing out the obvious, that many comedians have pointed out before me, but it must be said: these are three of my favorite things to do before I go to bed at night."

Blaine waited a moment for the chuckles to die down, "and I hesitate to bring it up because comedians like Mike Barbiblia have talked about sleep difficulty far more and far more successfully than I ever will, but I bring it up for a different reason," Blaine began. "I mentioned earlier that I've recently started seeing someone and it's only now that I'm realizing that being with someone validates behavior that is lame on its own. So lame, that it's actually a cited reason that people lose sleep."

"For example, a couple falling asleep in front of a movie is cute. Trying to fall asleep with the TV playing its billionth re-run of _RuPaul's Drag Race_ is aiding and abetting my insomnia. Sharing cookies and warm milk before bed is cute. Stress eating twelve Oreos in my pajamas is not," the audience laughed again.

"And it isn't just my stand up routine," Blaine continued. "I mean, maybe I should be grateful to that jar of pickles. A few months ago, I decided that my lack of companionship was not going to stop me from seeing the movie I was interested in, so I got myself a small cup from the ice cream parlor, which we all know really means a giant cup of ice cream," Blaine said as an aside, "and I went to see the movie by myself. Of course, right next to me was a couple sharing a giant cup of ice cream. They looked adorable. I looked like a creepy man-child."

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"You didn't tell me you were having trouble sleeping," Kurt said later that night, when the two of them were snuggled under the covers, ready to go to sleep. Kurt didn't have an interview for _Kurtain_ until late the next afternoon, so he decided to stay over at Blaine's.

Blaine leaned over to shut off the lamp on his bedside table, "it's not a big deal. I didn't want to worry you," he mumbled, racking his brain for a subject he could use to deflect from this conversation. He was too slow.

"It's my job to worry about you, silly," Kurt said, tucking himself under Blaine's arm and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "I want you to be happy. That makes _me_ happy."

Blaine dropped a kiss to Kurt's head and tried not to sigh audibly. He really didn't want to talk about this. Kurt didn't need to be bothered with his stupid problems, "you shouldn't have to worry about these things. It's not right for me to just dump my problems on you."

Suddenly Kurt's warmth was missing from his side and the other man was reaching over to turn the lamp back on. Before Blaine could protest the loss, however, Kurt was back, laying on top of him and looking up at Blaine with his chin on his steepled hands, "now who told you something so silly and untrue?"

Blaine shrugged and did his best to avoid Kurt's eyes. He knew that those eyes could make him break down in a matter of seconds, "it was just how I was raised, I guess. My parents didn't have a very good relationship. They used to get into these crazy screaming matches all the time. When they were over, my mom would warn me not the air the family's dirty laundry, because it was no ones business and no one wanted to hear it," Blaine explained. "They did the same thing when they started really lighting into me about my sexuality. I guess I know now that it was just their way of maintaining their high society reputation, but I guess...old habits..." Blaine said, finally looking straight at Kurt. A stray tear betrayed him by rolling down his cheek.

Kurt reached out his hand and wiped away the tear with his thumb, "I don't know what to say, Blaine," Kurt said. "I...I really, really care about you. I want you to feel like you can tell me things and know I won't judge you."

"I want that, too," Blaine replied.

**My sincerest thanks to Nurse****Kate and ****Klaine is Endgame for their help and advice on this chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry the updates for this story have been coming a little more slowly than my chapters usually come. I have to think harder for this piece and sometimes it takes a while for inspiration to strike when it comes to Blaine's comedy. I must confess, that Blaine's routine refers to and mimics some of the things that I used to do in college.**

**Fun fact: I think I'm running out of things to say...I'm not interesting enough, I guess. I'll just say this: I really love people. I love talking to people and I love to hear people talk about the things they are passionate about. That's one of the reasons I love Tumblr, so when I say I want to hear about you guys, I really mean it! **

**Come say hi on Tumblr! Practical-amanda**

**I guess I should warn for mentions of drug use, but really, blink and you'll miss it.**

"And it's not just the midnight stress eating that's different," Blaine continued. He could see Kurt's head perk up at the sound of a new part of his routine. "It's like, the whole way I think about food. Do you know what I did last weekend? I found myself actually sitting down at the computer...okay not sitting down I was lying down...in my bed...but anyway. I was using my computer to look up restaurants that would be good for a date night. Like, I was on yelp, TimeOut New York, the whole nine."

Kurt smiled softly, remembering the date that had come from that. Blaine took him to this delicious french bistro on the lower west side. "And I realized in that moment that everything had changed," Blaine said, a mock wistful tone in his voice. "It's not the amount of planning that was different. I've always been the type of person to plan my meals obsessively, but let me tell you about the planning I used to do concerning food."

"I didn't go to college in New York. I went to college in Ohio because my parents wouldn't pay for it unless I stayed in Ohio. I should say as a side note that I ended up sticking it to them by going to one of the most liberal schools in the country, in a town that most Buckeyes treat, like American's treat Guam. They're not quite sure it's actually part of Ohio," Blaine began and the audience laughed. He quirked a small smile. Ever since Kurt's article, his crowds were getting noticeably bigger and therefore the laughs were louder these days.

"But anyway, it was still in Ohio, which meant that the best pizza place in town was a Dominos," there was some light-hearted booing from the audience and this time Blaine chuckled. "Yes, I know, I know, it's pathetic, but they had one good thing. They had this feature on there website, where you could order pizza online, which meant you could order a pizza without talking to anyone."

"And it gets better," Blaine said, after the fresh wave of laughter died down. "You can order a pizza to arrive at a specific time and they call you when they're at the door. I used to do this thing, where I would order a pizza for two hours in the future, put my ringer volume on really high, and then take a nap. I would wake up after an awesome nap and there would be a pizza waiting for me."

Blaine laughed lightly while the audience was responding, "I know, I felt like some sort of genius recluse," he added.

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"Hello, my dear," Kurt said, when Blaine came up to him after the show. They had been dating for a few months at this point and Blaine had given up waiting at the bar. Instead, when the show was over, he would come behind and help himself to whatever he wanted. "That was a nice little edit you did there in that story," Kurt added knowingly.

Blaine laughed and sipped from the celebration ale he had poured himself, "I didn't think it was necessary to mention how much pot was involved in those stories about my college years," Blaine replied. "The stories were fine as is."

"Yes, and the observant among your fans will probably guess the reason you were able to spend that much time wandering around Costco and feasting on samples," Kurt said lightly, giving the bar a final wipe down.

"I'm sorry, what?" Blaine asked, setting his drink down and staring in disbelief.

"Why do you look so surprised, it was pretty obvious that..."

"No, not that...the other thing," Blaine said, cutting Kurt off. "Did you just refer to people in the audience as my 'fans?'"

It was Kurt's turn to laugh, "are you kidding me, Blaine?" Kurt asked, putting his rag in the bin and slipping his apron over his head. "I'm a bar tender. It's my job to know the regulars and let me tell you, for the first time since I've started working here, the club has regulars. _You_ have regulars. I even saw a bootleg copy of your routine on youtube when I was searching for comments on our last issue of _Kurtain_. Blaine, honey, of course you have fans!" Kurt said coming over and sitting on Blaine's lap where he was sitting on one of the bar chairs. "None of them are as big a fans as me," he said with a wink and a kiss to Blaine's nose, "but they definitely exist."

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Blaine woke up the next morning to the smell of brewing coffee. It was a Monday, his favorite day of the week for obvious reasons. He rolled over and found the other side of his bed to be empty. Kurt must be the one making coffee. He rolled himself out of bed, threw on an old college t-shirt that was on the floor and shuffled into the kitchen.

Kurt was standing at the stove, cooking what appeared to be eggs, and Marley was sitting at the kitchen table sipping a mug of coffee. The two of them were chatting as if they'd been friend for years. "How long was I asleep; long enough for you to become best friends and conspire against me?" Blaine asked, grabbing a mug for himself and drawing attention to the fact that he was awake and in he room for the first time.

Kurt turned off the stove and walked over to give Blaine a kiss on the cheek, "you're up!" he said, ignoring Blaine's ridiculous question. "I was just getting to know your room mate," Kurt added, doling out the eggs onto three plates and taking a few pieces of toast out of the toaster.

"This looks great, Kurt," Marley said when he put a plate in front of her. Blaine, not for the first time, was a little envious of Kurt's ease with people. When he had met Sam and Puck he acted like a nervous idiot. Kurt had endeared himself to Marley in the time it took to make coffee and scrambled eggs. "Kurt was just telling me about the date he has planned for you guys today. I think you're in for a treat," she said to Blaine when he sat down in front of his own plate.

"Any hints?" he asked hopefully, tamping down his jealousy in favor of enjoying the company of the two most important people in his life.

"My lips are sealed," she replied. "He made me promise."

Kurt came up behind him and twirled one of his curls around his finger, letting it spring free when he sat down, "I want it to be a surprise, but I think you're really going to like it, okay."

Blaine smiled back at him, "I trust you," and the funny thing was, he really, really did.

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"Kurt..." Blaine started apprehensively later that day, "I know I said I would let you take me on this date, no questions asked, but I can't help but wonder; you know we're headed towards the gate for New Jersey Transit, right?"

Kurt laughed and pressed a ticket with 'route six' stamped on the center into Blaine's hand, "yep!" he responded simply, and continued to pull Blaine towards the correct gate. "Excuse me, sir, are you headed to the Willowbrook Park and Ride?" The man in front of them in line nodded and Kurt smiled and turned back to Blaine, "okay, we're in the right place."

Blaine gave Kurt a confused look, "I didn't realize that a lack of sales tax was such a powerful draw for you," he teased, tugging on the sleeve of Kurt's navy blue sweater. There was something about the Fall weather, the way it wasn't too cold, but just chilly enough to turn Kurt's cheeks pink and the endless possibilities for sweaters and warm drinks, that put Blaine in a constant state of wanting to yank Kurt in for endless kisses. Maybe it wasn't autumn. Maybe it was just Kurt.

Kurt let out a tinkling laugh at the suggestion, "I'm not taking us to the mall, Blaine. I promise."

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About thirty minutes later, the bus pulled into the lot at Willowbrook Mall and everyone filed out. Blaine had unintentionally taken a nap on Kurt's shoulder, but when the other man shook him awake, he was back in full on skeptic mode, "I thought you said we weren't going to the mall," he asked through a yawn.

"Oh, hush!" Kurt said, taking his hand and walking them towards the crosswalk. "We're not going to the mall. We're going across the street from the mall." Before Blaine had a chance to say anything else, Kurt stopped in front of a massive building and declared that they had arrived.

Blaine looked up to the sign above the store and in big red letters, it said 'Costco Wholesale'. "Kurt, is our date going to be in the Costco?"

Kurt turned him around to face him. "I just...I know it's not exactly a conventional date location, but your routine yesterday, it was really funny, but it also...it also kind of made me sad. I don't ever want to you be that lonely again. I'm here now and I thought today we could start re-writing some of those memories."

Blaine stared at Kurt in disbelief, "Kurt...," he started, but he found that he was suddenly at a loss for words. So instead, he pulled the other man in for a tight hug. "I...I love you."

It was not the romantic confession that Blaine had planned out in his head, but now that it was out there, he couldn't find it in himself to regret it, especially when not a moment later, Kurt was responding in kind, "I love you, too, Blaine."


	11. Chapter 11

**OMG I'M SO SORRY! THIS WAS DONE THREE DAYS AGO, BUT I LIVE IN BROOKLYN AND I HAVE NO POWER OR INTERNET OR ANYTHING. I'M AT MY PARENT'S HOUSE IN NEW JERSEY AND THE TOWN LIBRARY MIRACULOUSLY HAS POWER.**

**PS- I feel that I can make fun of New Jersey because that's where I was born and raised and I only say it with the utmost affection. No, I have never seen Jersey Shore. Living it was more than enough**

**To Wayne anon: I grew up in Little Falls! That's so crazy!**

**To other anon: I don't know if you were serious or not, but I'll just let you all know at once. I'm not against reading or writing smut for any moralistic reason, I'm just not any good at it, so I don't do it as a general rule. There is a part in this chapter that will probably answer your question, though. **

**Come say hi on Tumblr! Practical-amanda**

"So, thank you to all of you that came out here tonight, even though there is supposed to be a ridiculous storm tomorrow," Rascals decided that it would brave one last night before closing for a few days. Hurricane Sandy was supposed to hit New York City hard, but it wasn't due to start until the next morning. "I hope you've all prepared. I know I have."

"I'm lucky, actually," Blaine continued. "My boyfriend and I just braved a trip to New Jersey to go to the Costco in Wayne. He had to wrestle a man with no arm hair and more hair gel than me for it, but we did get the last case of Kirkland brand trail mix. If the storm takes out my local Whole Foods, we'll be in fiber for the next six weeks. We also got enough AA batteries to club a burglar."

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The next morning, Kurt woke up to howling winds and his cell phone going off. He recognized the ring tone for his house in Ohio and quickly scrambled out of bed, pulling on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants that he had discarded onto the floor the night before.

"Awww!" he heard Blaine say in the background as he rummaged though the pockets of his jeans for his cell phone.

He found it and sent an eye roll back at Blaine, "I can't talk to my dad naked. It's just wrong," he said, before answering and getting back into bed. "Hey, Dad!"

"Hey, Kiddo," came Burt's familiar voice. "I just wanted to call and check how you were doing with the storm and everything. I know it's not supposed to get really bad until later, but Carole and I wanted to see how you were."

Kurt smiled and stretched out next to Blaine. It was always so nice to hear from his dad, "It's not too bad right now. The rain is really coming down and the wind is crazy, but we still have power and everything," Kurt explained. "It's a little embarrassing, but I actually just woke up so I haven't seen the news or anything. I'm staying at Blaine's to wait out the storm because his apartment is on higher ground than mine." Blaine reached out and playfully pinched his thigh and Kurt swatted him away good naturedly.

"I'd sleep in if the city was on shut down, too," Burt said with a chuckle. "Did you guys have to go into work yesterday, or did they shut the club down preemptively?"

"No, we went in yesterday, but the club is dark until Wednesday night right now until further notice," Kurt replied, playing with a thread that had come loose on the comforter and tucking the sheet up to Blaine's chin with a dramatic wink. "I think we're just going to laze around all day until further notice. I'll plug in my phone when we're done talking in case the power does go out later," Kurt added.

"That sounds smart, kiddo," Burt said. "I won't keep you too much longer then, but Carole wants to talk to you for a minute."

Kurt could hear the sound of the phone switching hands before his step-moms cheerful voice came through the line, "Hey, sweetheart, your dad and I are glad to here everything's okay so far," she said. "I just wanted to ask if it was just you for Thanksgiving or if Blaine would be joining you."

"I'm not sure what his plans are. I'm going to have to ask him, but I'm sure he'll be happy that he's invited," Kurt replied. "I'll talk to him about it today and then get back to you."

"Alright, we'll talk to you soon. Stay dry!" Carole said.

Kurt chuckled, "okay, you too. I'll talk to you guys later," Kurt hung up the phone and plugged it into the charger next to the bed before burrowing back under the covers and snuggling close to Blaine. "How are your parents?" Blaine asked curling his arm around Kurt's waist and pulling him closer.

"They're good. My dad just wanted to make sure that everything was okay so far," Kurt replied, kissing Blaine on the nose. "And Carole wanted to know if you were planning to come with me on Thanksgiving or if you were planning to go somewhere else. I know it's only been a few months, but I'd love it if you came to meet my parents."

Kurt felt Blaine tense slightly, but he relaxed again only moments later so he didn't think much of it, "Um...yeah...yeah that would be great. My family's never been that into holidays so I can come with you if you want. Are you sure they won't mind me crashing?"

Kurt rolled his eyes again, "Blaine, they invited you!" Kurt replied. "You're not crashing if you're invited. They've been dying to me you! They're going to love you."

"You don't know that," Blaine mumbled. His face was buried in Kurt's neck.

"Of course I do," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine around the middle. "I love you and they love me. They know how good your are to me, and really that's all it takes to win them over. So how about I go and make us a hot breakfast before the power goes out while you get dressed?" Kurt said, patting Blaine's thigh and walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Marley had gone to visit her mom in Ohio to avoid the storm, so it was just the two of them.

Blaine sighed as he watched Kurt walk away. It would be so easy to let Kurt believe that his melancholy was solely the result of nerves. Being concerned about meeting your significant other's parents was practically a cliché at this point, but he couldn't help but feel guilty about lying. Kurt deserved to know the truth, but that damn voice in his head wouldn't stop telling him that he should just keep it all inside.

He finally threw the blankets off and rolled out of bed. He pulled a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt out of his dresser and slipped them on. He would tell him eventually, but not today. Today was supposed to be about them enjoying a cozy day inside, without worrying about the rest of the world. And definitely not worrying about the fact that for all intents and purposes, Blaine was basically an orphan.

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"I thought I'd make waffles since we have a little free time. Plus we have tons of berries from last week's shopping trip," Kurt said, pressing a warm mug of coffee into Blaine's hand and going back to the waffle iron. "I know we usually have eggs, but I'm craving something sweet."

Blaine hummed in agreement, "sounds good to me," he said, sitting down at the kitchen table to watch his boyfriend make breakfast. "I didn't even know I had a waffle iron," he added.

"You don't," Kurt said with a wink. "I brought it in my overnight bag. I thought it would be fun."

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" Blaine said. Kurt flipped the first waffle onto the plate and spooned more batter into the iron and Blaine found himself fantasizing, not for the first time about his future with Kurt. He could see himself having many more lazy mornings like this, with one of them cooking the other breakfast and sharing the morning paper.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Kurt asked, setting a plate of picture perfect waffles and berries in front of Blaine. He considered, for a moment, sharing his day dreams with Kurt, but decided against it. Blaine wasn't stupid. He knew that Kurt was too good for him and he knew that it was probably only a matter of time before Kurt found someone better, someone that he deserved, but for now he vowed to make the most of what he had. A short time with the most beautiful man in New York (maybe the world) was better than nothing.

"Just thinking about the stuff we could do today," he fibbed. "Maybe when we're done with breakfast, we could see what movies are on demand. I know it's kind of lame, but I feel like we should just huddle under blankets and watch stupid rom coms all day."

"That sounds awesome," Kurt said around a bite of waffle. "Do you want to do rom coms, or do you want to get started on those Downton Abby DVDs that we rented from the library?"

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	12. Chapter 12

**I still don't have power :(. I'm once again seeking refuge in a coffee shop, but the good news is that I just signed the lease on a new apartment and whether or not power is returned, I'll be moving out soon anyway. I will respond to all of your amazingly wonderful reviews when I have electricity again, but I just popped into the shop so that I could put this update online. Thank you all for your kind words of support.**

**Fun fact: somebody asked me what it is that I do...I feel like this is very basic and it should have been in a much earlier fun fact, but I'm a museum educator...woo!**

**Come say hi on Tumblr! Practical-amanda**

"...we'll be in fiber for the next six weeks. We also got enough AA batteries to club a burglar," Blaine said, repeating his joke from the beginning of the month and there was a small amount of laughter. "That's the last time I'm using that joke. The laugh volume tells me that the statute of limitations on 'Hurricane Sandy humor' has officially past," the audience laughed again, slightly louder and longer this time.

"Being without power or heat sort of sucked," Blaine said and there were some whoops and whistles of agreement, "I live in Brooklyn, which I guess was in SoPo. You know, south of power," that also got a few chuckles. The power went out on Blaine and Kurt the night of the storm. They were only stuck inside for another day, but they didn't get power back until the following Sunday. "I will say, that the storm had one benefit. There is something to be said about the fact that my boyfriend and I were cooped up in my tiny apartment for two days, one of which there was no electricity, and we are both standing here today alive and well. There may never be a greater test of our relationship."

The audience laughed heartily at that, and though Blaine was pleased, his gut twisted with a bit of guilt when he remembered that he hadn't been totally upfront with Kurt about his family and his anxieties. Sure they weathered the storm unharmed, but he was terrified of what Kurt would do if he found out...when he found out.

"I'm finding that as we go on we're facing more and more of these relationship tests," Blaine began. As usual, he could see Kurt perk up at the start of a new portion of his routine, doubly so since it was evidently about their relationship. "It started with meeting each other's friends. It was no problem for him. He's much smoother than I am. He doesn't have to rehearse his coffee order before getting up to the barista," Blaine explained with a shake of his head. "And, I was nervous about this because I recently heard a story on the radio about how adults, once they're part of a couple, have trouble making new friends. The journalist said that usually, the man in the relationship just ends up being friends with his wife's friend's husbands. This is an especially big problem for us, seeing as we are both men."

Obviously, he and Kurt weren't married. He only said it for the sake of the joke, but the unwavering smile on Kurt's face told Blaine that he was fine with it. "I made it through okay, though. I made it through our first meal together by taking a bite every time I was about to say something stupid. I was really full at the end of that meal."

"The biggest test is coming this Thursday, though," Blaine said, walking over to take a seat on his stool in the middle of the stage. Since there was two of them, Kurt and Blaine decided that it would make the most economic sense for them to rent a car and drive to Ohio. The club was closed the Tuesday before Thanksgiving until the following Monday, so Kurt was going to pick him up from work the next day and they would get to Ohio very late that night. Or, maybe more like very early in the morning on Wednesday. "I'm meeting the parents this Thanksgiving and as little experience and social grace as I have communicating with my peers, I have even less experience with parents. And, I can tell whatever stories I want about my parents in my comedy because they don't talk to me anymore anyway."

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Blaine knew that trying to make jokes about his aborted and fractured Thanksgivings growing up, was risky, but he had made his career on slightly pathetic comedy, and he thought it went off fairly well. It even had the added bonus of helping him open up to Kurt in one of the only ways he knew how. At least he thought that until he went back to see Kurt after the show.

He didn't notice anything was different at first. Kurt was re-stocking the high ball glasses and Blaine figured that he hadn't even noticed he was back there already. When he was still ignoring him when he sat down at the bar right in front of his boyfriend and tucked into his pilsner, however, Blaine realized that something must have gone horribly wrong.

"So...I bet the boss is going to watch Gus more carefully before the next time he goes on. He was wasted," Blaine said, trying valiantly to attempt conversation. "He nearly toppled off the stage," Blaine added, trying to catch Kurt's eye. He made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat and continued to wipe down the bar without looking up. "I um...I like your broach. Is it new?" Blaine tried one more time.

"You've seen me wear this at least three times before, Blaine," Kurt replied snappily. Blaine was just relieved he was talking to him again, even if he was clearly angry.

"Kurt, are you okay?" Blaine asked. "Did one of the customers..."

"My problem is with _you_, Blaine!" Kurt said, dropping the rag into the bucket hastily and folding his arms across his chest, looking Blaine square in the eye for the first time. He was breathing heavily, but he face was crumpling fast. Blaine may have been terrible at understanding himself, but he could read Kurt like a book and this was text book. Kurt always lashed out when he was actually hurt.

Blaine jump out of his seat, nearly knocking the stool over in his haste. He came around the bar and despite his obvious anger, he let Blaine put an arm around him, "Kurt, please tell me what's wrong. I love you and if I did something to hurt you, you have to let me make it right."

Blaine wiped the single tear from Kurt's eye with the pad of his thumb, "Don't...don't you trust me, Blaine?" he asked, his voice was practically a whisper.

"I...of course I do," that guilty feeling he had gotten during his routine suddenly came back ten fold. "Kurt, please talk to me."

"Not here," Kurt said, schooling his features, once again, into one of anger. He pulled out of Blaine's grip and took off his apron. "Let's go to the diner down the road we really need to have a serious conversation, Blaine."

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The two men were sitting across from each other in a booth, both sipping at cups of coffee before either of them said anything, "Look, Blaine, I understand that in a lot of ways, saying stuff on stage is a lot easier for you than having a one on one conversation," Kurt said, finally breaking the silence. "But, you can't...you can't blind side me like that. Some of the stuff you said up there was really serious. I know you were making a joke about it, but Blaine, you can't just leave me in the dark about all of this, especially since you're meeting _my_ family in _one day_," Kurt added, exhaling slowly and taking a long draw from his coffee.

Blaine looked down into his own mug and fought the intense urge to burst into tears. Now's your chance, he thought to himself. You could tell him everything. He'll understand. He loves you. But, there was that knot again, twisting its way from the pit of his stomach and up into his throat. All that he managed to croak out was a pained, "I know."

"If you know, then why did you do it!" Kurt said, losing his cool again due to Blaine's continued reticence. "Blaine, I understand that the world of comedy is famously overly reductive about the nature of adult relationships, but I'm wondering if you can actually tell the difference between the real wold and your routine. Love...love isn't just about having someone to dance with at weddings or...or a reason not to eat dinner lying down. That's part of it, but Blaine...it's about trust and commitment and opening yourself up to another person."

Blaine wanted all of those things. He wanted to let Kurt into the deepest recesses of his mind, but his stupid mouth wouldn't let him. He was in the middle of trying to force out a response, but apparently he stayed quiet for too long.

Kurt stood up abruptly and dropped a ten dollar bill on the table, "fine," he said, shouldering his messenger bag, "if you're not going to say anything, then I'm going home to get some sleep. You have nine hours in the car tomorrow to think it over," and with that, he began to walk out of the diner.

"Wait," Blaine said finally finding his voice. Kurt turned around and raised an eyebrow at Blaine, "I...I'm still invited for Thanksgiving?" he asked and his tone was so pathetic, that Kurt couldn't keep his face from softening slightly.

"Of course you are Blaine. You're still my boyfriend and I still love you," Kurt said softly. "Just...please, please think about what I said. I want this to work so incredibly badly."

"Me too," Blaine whispered as he watched Kurt walk out the door. "You have no idea how much."

**Next up: a very Hummel Thanksgiving.**


	13. Chapter 13

**So, this took forever and it's not really long, but this chapter needed to be done before I could take them to the Hummel's. The good news is, things should happen faster again because I'm FINALLY all moved in. I know that moving from Brooklyn to Manhattan doesn't really sound like that big of a move, but it sure feels that way...haha.**

**There is no comedy in this chapter simply because Blaine is off from work. **

**Fun fact: I'm certified to teach Zumba! It's so fun!**

**Come say hi on tumblr! practical-amanda**

In a word, the first leg of the car trip from Manhattan to Ohio was...tense. Kurt was pointedly not talking to Blaine, waiting for the other man to speak first, and Blaine was too scared to say anything. He had really screwed up and his awareness of the fact that the longer he stayed silent, the worse it would be, didn't make talking any easier.

At one point, Blaine cleared his throat and Kurt was sure he would say something, but when he was once again disappointed, he just rolled his eyes and turned up the radio to a nearly defining volume, grumbling when he noticed that they were almost out of range of WNYC.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Blaine said suddenly, breaking the nearly three hour silence. Blaine did not have to go to the bathroom.

Kurt glanced over at him, taking in his slumped frame and forlorn expression. He felt bad for him. He wanted so badly to just reach out and take his hand and tell him that everything was okay again, but he knew that in the long run, their relationship would suffer if he didn't stand firm on this one. "There's a rest stop in a few exits. We'll stop there," Kurt paused. His hand reached out to squeeze Blaine's, seemingly of its own accord. One little squeeze can't hurt he argued with himself. "I could use a snack anyway," he said putting his hand back on the wheel.

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"Hello, Marley's phone," Blaine had locked himself in one of the stalls at the rest stop and frantically pressed the speed dial for his best friend.

"Hi Mrs. Rose," Blaine said, recognizing Marley's mother's voice. She must have already made it home for the holidays. "Is Marley there? I really need to talk to her."

"She's in the shower right now, hon," she replied, "can I take a message, or is there something I can help with?" she sounded concerned, probably because of Blaine's tone of voice. If Blaine had met Marley in his childhood, he imagined that Mrs. Rose might have become something of a motherly figure for him, but as it was she was more like an aunt, popping in occasionally to say just the right thing and make sure that he and Marley are properly fed.

Blaine almost said no automatically, but stopped himself. He was a little desperate at this point, "Um...I...I think I really messed up, Mrs. Rose," Blaine said. He then went on to explain what had happened with Kurt the previous day, and how awkward the road trip had been so far. "And now he won't talk to me, he won't look at me, and I'm pretty sure that after he fulfills his obligation to the idiot with no where to go on Thanksgiving, he's going to dump me."

He heard her sigh on the other line, "Blaine, I'm going to need you to stop right there. He is not going to dump you, that's first of all. If the things Marley has said about you two are even half true, that boy is crazy about you," Mrs. Rose began, "second of all, I think you need to think about this from his perspective. He loves you and cares about you and yes, he's upset that you didn't confide in him, but I think mostly he's just sad that he can't be there for you when you obviously need him. He just wants to make you happy," she added. "I don't think he's expecting you to spill your guts all at once, but why don't you just start by telling him exactly what you told me, that you really want him to know everything, but that you need a little help to actually get the words out. I think he'll appreciate your honesty and the fact that you're trying."

Blaine let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding, "I think...I think I can do that," he said shakily. "I can definitely do that. Thanks Mrs. Rose, I don't know what I would do without you sometimes."

"It's no problem, hon. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving."

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"They didn't have mochas in the vending machine, but I pressed the button for a splash of hot chocolate in the coffee," Blaine said, pushing aside his anxiety and pressing the cup of steaming coffee into Kurt's hand. He had been waiting for Blaine by the car eating a bag of sun chips. "I hope it's okay."

Kurt stared at Blaine. There was an unreadable expression on his face, but to Blaine's relief, he didn't look angry. "I guess it's the thought that counts," he said with a half smile before he took a small sip. "It's not half bad for vending machine mocha, actually."

"I'm glad you think so," Blaine said nervously, twisting the bottom of his shirt. "Kurt, before we keep driving, can I...can I talk to you?"

Kurt nodded and pulled Blaine over to the picnic tables, "you can tell me anything you want, Blaine. You know that."

Blaine took a deep calming breath, "I do know that, of course I do," he began. "It's just...I...Okay, I've spent my entire life not really having anyone to confide in. I learned to just bottle everything up because...well, because no one really cared. And then you come along and you're loving and caring and so wonderful and I guess...it's just going to take a little getting used to."

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand, "I understand that Blaine and it's okay, but it's just a little jarring when you tell a group of strangers before you tell me," he said.

Blaine looked down, abashed, "I know and I promise to never do that again, but I'm begging you to understand that I...I want you to know _everything_, Kurt. I wish I could just open up the contents of my brain and dump it into yours, but since I can't do that, I'm just going to need a little help to learn how to open up to someone."

"That, I can totally do," Kurt said, leaning over to give Blaine a kiss on the cheek. "Why don't...why don't you just start by telling me what you said in your routine, but no jokes this time. I just want to hear it from you."

Blaine took a shaky breath. He could do this. Kurt already _knew_ all of it anyway, "Could I...do you think I could lay my head on your shoulder? I think that would make it easier for me."

Kurt smiled softly and set his coffee on the table before putting an arm around Blaine and letting him lay his head down, "this better?" he asked.

"Perfect," Blaine said, allowing Kurt's scent calm him. "I know I said that my parent's weren't that into holidays, but really what I meant was that they weren't that into me at holidays...before I came out we were like any other family. We had normal, if a little boring Thanksgivings and Christmases, but as soon as I said I was gay, it was like some sort of switch flipped and everything changed. Suddenly I was sent to boarding school and my parents were always either traveling for work or going on some sort of exotic vacation during the holidays, so they wouldn't have to be face to face with their gay son. As soon as I got out of college, they decided that their parental duties were over. They shipped me the rest of my belongings and kindly asked me never to show my face again. That's when I went to New York, met Unique, and well...you know the rest."

Kurt tightened his grip on his boyfriend's shoulder and a few tears slid down his cheek, "oh, Blaine...I...I don't know what to say," Kurt said. "I...I feel terrible..."

"Please don't," Blaine said quickly, cutting him off. He turned in Kurt's arms so that they were face to face. "Don't feel bad, because you've changed everything for me. For the first time in over ten years, I have somewhere to go for the holidays that isn't inhabited mainly by drag queens," Blaine said, unable to hold back his signature humor. "Everything's different now because I have you.

Kurt laughed, wetly, "of course you do, and you always will, as long as you'll have me."

"So...we're okay?" Blaine asked tentatively, brushing a stray tear from Kurt's eye.

"Definitely," Kurt replied, giving Blaine a tight hug, "way, way better than okay."

**Ughhhhh I'm no good at angst...gotta get back to the funny...**


	14. Chapter 14

**For anyone who's interested, this is Blaine's sweet potato pie recipe. It's actually quite good just...not for babies haha /2012/09/02/spicy-sweet-potato-pie/.**

**Fun Fact: I ate lunch in Bryant Park yesterday since I work near there. I spent the evening ugly crying from my apartment in Washington Heights...**

**I do hope you enjoy and I wish all of my readers from the USA the most wonderful and meaningful of Thanksgivings. I know I personally have a lot to be grateful for. **

**Come say hi on tumblr! practical-amanda**

"So, when I was in high school, my classmates awarded me with the superlative 'take home to mom and dad,'" Blaine started out his routine. He and Kurt had been invited to Unique's belated Thanksgiving party that night. Kurt didn't want to give up the opportunity to network and Blaine didn't want to give up the opportunity to be with Kurt, so Kurt had gotten someone else entirely to take his shift and Blaine was trading with one of the lesser known comics so he could do a shorter, earlier set. He figured it was a good time to try out some new comedy.

"I'm assuming that they gave me this award because I never got into trouble," Blaine explained. "I never went out to parties, or got drunk, or did drugs. I was polite and generally quiet and bookish. What I think they didn't realize was that these traits, as much as they might have made me appear as a poster child for the fine upstanding citizen, are the exact qualities that make me incredibly socially awkward and unable communicate with new people with any amount of grace."

The audience gave him a laugh that was peppered with sympathetic groans, "I know it's a terrible fate and this is well trodden territory for me, for anyone who may have seen my comedy before," Blaine continued, "but I decided, that I'm not going to be so selfish anymore. I'm going to give back to you guys, and for all of you out there who may have some of the same social problems that I have, this is Blaine Anderson's complete in order list of things to do and not to do when meeting the parents. That's the working title, but when I want to sell it later I'll probably change it to _Fifty Shades of Awkward Gay._" There was more laugher at that.

"First, do definitely compliment your host and hostess," Blaine started. "Do not do so without running it by your significant other and practicing several times in your head first."

"_Kurt!" a woman had rushed out of the house almost the moment that the rental car pulled into the driveway. This must have been Carole. "It's so good to see you, honey. It's always too long between visits," she said, pulling Kurt into a tight hug. "And who is this hansom young man you've brought with you?" she asked with a smile that told Blaine that she knew exactly who he was._

"_Carole, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Blaine," Kurt said, pushing Blaine forward by the small of his back. "Blaine, this is my step-mother, Carole."_

"_We've heard so many wonderful things about you, Blaine. It's so wonderful to finally meet you," she said, ignoring Blaine's outstretched hand in favor of giving him a hug that was just as big and warm as Kurt's. "Come in, come in. It's freezing out here! The weather has no right to be this cold, this early," Carole said, corralling the two men into the house and directing them to put their bags down in the foyer._

"_Carole, I love your new haircut!" Kurt said as the three of them sat down in the living room. "Some women can't pull off hair that short, but you look fabulous."_

_Carole smiled warmly and thanked her step-son, "I got it done at that place in Columbus that you recommended. I usually just go around here, but I figured I'd treat myself this time."_

_Alright, Anderson, it's your turn, "he's right, it looks great," alright, perfect. Just leave it at that. Wait, here goes my mouth again, "I can't help but notice that you have beautiful eyelashes. They're real, but they are almost as long as the ridiculous fake ones that my drag queen, former room mate likes to wear."_

_Carole looked perplexed for a moment, but took the compliment gracefully, "um...what a unique compliment, hon. Thank you so much," she said, patting him on the knee. "I can tell already that it will be nice having a comedian in the family."_

_Blaine was almost too embarrassed to get excited about her referring to him as a member of the family, but Kurt gave him a soft amused smile from his place in the arm chair and he was able to relax slightly._

"Yes, I know," Blaine said, finishing up his first story, "it will go down in history as the worlds most awkward compliment. Learn from me dear audience!" Blaine said, pointing his finger and quickly taking a sip from his water glass. "This next one is a little more obvious, but I think it needs to be mentioned anyway because it is really important."

"Number two, please do bring something for the meal," Blaine said. "Please don't make something without considering your audience."

"_It was so sweet of you to bring dessert, Blaine," Carole said, setting several different pies out onto the table, including the sweet potato pie that Blaine had made before coming out to ohio. _

"_We never turn down pie in this family," Kurt's dad added, as he filled his plate with a modest portion of dessert (under the strict scrutiny of Kurt of course). "I think Finn could finish an entire pie on his own actually."_

"_And this little guy takes after his dad," said Sarah, Finn's wife, tickling their 18 month old son and making two plates, one for her and one for him. "I don't think he's ready to out eat him yet. We'll just have to wait until the teenage years."_

_The group, including Finn, chuckled. Blaine wondered, not for the first time, at the family's ease with each other. They were constantly cracking jokes and laughing at each other's expense, but there was so much love that Blaine could almost feel it as a tangible thing in the air. He'd never really made Thanksgiving food before, so he decided to try out a new recipe that he was sure wouldn't conflict with anything else on the table. Kurt lived in Washington Heights, which meant there was plenty of stores with Mexican and South American ingredients, and Blaine had found his inspiration for the pie there. _

"_One of my neighbors gave him the recipe," Kurt said, proudly. "It took him three tries to get the crust just right," Kurt said and Blaine blushed under the praise. _

"_Is it just sweet potatoes or is there something else?" Carole asked._

_Blaine was about to answer. After a full day and a half with the Hummel-Hudson's he was feeling more comfortable and at ease, and he was ready to start listing off the ingredients. As if on cue, however, as soon as he opened his mouth, Kurt's little nephew started crying. Crap, Blaine thought, I guess I should have warned the baby._

Blaine was shaking his head and looking at the audience, a wry smile on his face, "he was fine, okay! As soon as he had some milk he was completely fine," the family was able to laugh about it later, but Blaine still felt terrible that he didn't warn anyone that the pie was filled with sweet potatoes, dates, nuts, and ground chipotle. "It all just happened so fast," Blaine said as the audience continued to laugh. He chanced a quick glance at Kurt who was in the audience today, also laughing.

"Okay, fine, one more rule," Blaine said. "You'll have to buy the book for the rest of them. If you have any history of sleep walking in stressful situations, and I mean _any at all_, please do strap yourself to the bed that you're sleeping in."

"_And you're sure that Finn and Sarah aren't mad about the pie thing?" Blaine asked for the tenth time. Kurt and Blaine were finally snuggled into bed in Kurt's old room and they were talking quietly before going to sleep._

_Kurt chuckled lightly, "I'm one million percent positive. They were laughing about it before they left," Kurt said, brushing a stray curl from Blaine's forehead. "Please stop worrying. They loved you, just like I said they would."_

_Blaine smiled, "You're family's pretty wonderful, you know?" Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hip under the blanket. _

"_I know," Kurt said, with a wink and a brief kiss to the other man's lips, "Good night, Blaine."_

"_Good night, Kurt," he replied as he shut off the lamp on the bed side table and snuggled under the blanket next to his boyfriend._

_Now Blaine hadn't done any sleep walking since he first moved in with Unique and hadn't managed to get himself a job yet. It only happened when he was particularly worried or stressed out. Ironically enough, it was never bad dreams that he was acting out. His subconscious was usually telling him to do the things that made him the most happy and relaxed. For Blaine, one of those things was eating, which is how he found himself, up in the middle of the night, sitting on the floor of his boyfriend's parent's bedroom and gnawing on their remote control._

"_Blaine?" came the sleepy voice of Burt Hummel, "What's going on?" he asked shoving his glasses on and focusing on the man who was now apparently in his bedroom. _

"_Kurt, these are the best sandwiches I've ever had!" Blaine said enthusiastically. "Can you pass the mustard?"_

"_Okay," Burt said, reluctantly slipping off the blanket and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, silently reminding himself of the limited knowledge he had about dealing with people who sleep walk. He decided on a gentle approach, "all done with sandwiched now, kid. Time to go back to bed," Burt said, calmly lifting Blaine from the floor and leading him back towards Kurt's room. _

_He was all ready to tuck him back into bed and go back to his own, but after a step over a particularly creaky floor board, Blaine was officially awake, "Mr. Hummel?" Blaine said, looking around frantically and trying to figure out what was going on._

"_It's Burt," he responded automatically, but immediately scolded himself. That was so not the point. "I think you were sleep walking," he said simply._

_Blaine pressed his thumb and fore finger to his eyes and squeezed them shut, "ugh, not again," he cried. "This happens every time I'm a little stressed," he said and Burt leveled him with a look that was eerily similar to one that he had gotten from Kurt on occasion. "Okay fine, a lot stressed," he said, forcing a laugh._

_Burt looked back at his bed longingly and then back at Blaine who was still silently berating himself. He sighed deeply, "Don't worry about it, Kid. If happens to the best of us," Burt said reassuringly. "Hey, since we're awake anyway, what do you say we find where Carole and Kurt hid the pie and have ourselves a man to man."_

_Blaine gulped audibly, but nodded anyway and followed Burt downstairs to the kitchen._

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"_I hope you don't mind. I opted for apple this time. I don't think my stomach could handle chipotle at this time of night," Burt ribbed good naturedly as he set a plate of pie in front of himself and Blaine. Blaine blushed slightly, but took it in stride. "I liked it though, honestly," Burt said with so much sincerity that Blaine couldn't help but believe him. "So, you're a sleepwalker, huh," he started._

_Blaine chewed and swallowed a bite of pie, "um...I guess. I mean, it doesn't happen often. Just when I'm really stressed out," he pushed a piece of crust around on his plate. "I love it here. Your family is so wonderful and welcoming, but I just can't help but feel a little nervous. I really want you guys to like me," Blaine admitted, finally meeting Burt's eye._

"_Kurt loves you and you treat him right," Burt said almost sternly. "That's really all it takes to win us over, kid, but besides that, Carole and I both like you a lot. We think you're good for him," Burt paused for a moment, debating what to say next. "And, if I'm not mistaken, I think he's been good for you, too."_

"_You have no idea," Blaine said, taking another bite of pie. "He's like this ray of light that suddenly made itself known in my life. I feel like I wasn't really living until I met him. Everything before just seems a little dull in retrospect. He's just...there for me, in a way that no one in my life really has before."_

_Burt smiled softly, "sounds like love to me," he replied, "but Blaine, I just want you to know, I...well I don't pretend to know what the deal is with you and your family, but I can piece it together based on things Kurt has told me and some of your routines that Kurt has sent me on youtube and I just want you to know, we can be here for you, too, if you need us. You're important to Kurt and that means you're important to Carole and me as well."_

"_Burt...that...you have no idea how much that means to me."_

_0000000000_

"I guess that last thing didn't actually turn out _too_ badly," Blaine said to Kurt when he met him after his set. "Maybe I should sleep walk more often."

"Slow down Donnie Darko. I'd like to keep you in bed, thank you," Kurt replied, but he was smiling widely. "I liked your routine. It was sweet," he added, giving Blaine a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks," Blaine said. He felt his phone vibrate as he was putting on his jacket, "I just need to take this quickly I'll meet you outside and we can head to the party," Blaine said, holding his phone up so Kurt could see that it was Sandy calling. "Hello?" Blaine said, answering the phone.

"Blaine!" Sandy's voice came from the other end of the phone. "I'm glad I caught you. Do you have a minute?

"Yeah, I'm just headed out of work for the night. What's up?" he asked.

"Blaine, I have some really exciting news," Sandy began, her voice getting steadily more breathless in anticipation of what she was about to say. "Remember when I mentioned that they were reviving _Last Comic Standing_, but they were filming it in New York instead?"

"Yeah, you said they were going to turn it into a miniseries comedy event instead of the full blown series. It sounded like it would be pretty good," Blaine said, "way better than the old format."

"Yes, yes that one," Sandy said, trying to hurry the conversation along. "Well, the other week, we were asked to send in some footage of our best comedians. It was just an open call for agents. I didn't mention it because I didn't even know if they would even go ahead with the show, but I just got an email from them and you got a _call back!_" Sandy said, practically shouting the last part. "Blaine this could be _huge _for you. I need you to prepare your very best fifteen minutes of comedy and meet me in the office first thing tomorrow morning."


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the comedy-less chapter here. Well, there's no routine, but there are some jokes and some hints of things that may be added to his routine in the future. I do, however, think that there are things in here that will make up for the lack of stand up. I hope you all that a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know I did! I got to spend oodles of time with my 18 month old niece who I just love to pieces. **

**Fun fact: every year, my brother and I split the turkey neck. Sorry if that sounds gross, but it's delicious haha. Side note to the fun fact, I'm very close with my brother even though he's almost ten years older than I am.**

**Come say hi on tumblr! practical-amanda**

For the first time in Blaine's life he truly felt like he understood the expression 'when it rains, it pours'. Okay, well, that's not entirely true. He knew what it meant in the negative sense, but he'd never had one of those moments where the planets just seem to align, and suddenly everything starts going right for a change. Well he hadn't until now.

The phone call that he had received form Sandy the night of Unique's party was just the beginning. They had sent his video in the next morning and he was quickly passed through the next round. They didn't tell him what the next step was, but when a few executives from the show came to see him at Rascal's one night, unannounced Blaine understood why. The next week he had to go in for several more auditions and interviews and a psychiatric evaluation. The woman told him that if his comedy was anything to go by, he probably had borderline anxiety disorder, but quickly assured him that it wouldn't get in the way of being on the show. Blaine decided to dismiss most of what she said given that she thought his anxiety disorder was only borderline.

He'd learned throughout the process that the reason the show had been canceled in the first place was largely due to the format, so they were basically scrapping everything but the title and the fact that it was a stand up comedy competition. Blaine was just grateful that someone, somewhere, who had a fancy office had decided that comedy was now trendy because as far as he was concerned, this was the chance of a life time. Instead of comedy based challenges, the whole thing was simplified. They would have a huge, rapid fire, two hour special the first night, where ten comedians each had ten minutes to impress the judges and a TV audience. After the first night, based on the audience reaction and the judges deliberation, half of them would be cut. The rest of the episodes would feature extended routines from all of the remaining comics. At the end of each episode someone would be cut until there was only one performer left standing. That person would get a national comedy tour, a DVD contract, and the title of 'last comic standing'.

All of this seemed just fine to Blaine. He was a comedian, not a reality TV star, and since the whole thing would be filmed live, he wouldn't even have to be away from Kurt or quit his job. And speaking of Kurt, that was probably the best thing in his life right now. Ever since he started opening up to him, it was like their already wonderful relationship became ten times better, and a weight that Blaine hadn't even realized he'd been carrying for so long was slowly lifting from his shoulders. Not only that, but instead of feeling guilty and sheepish about the new found boost to his career, Kurt was helping him learn how to let himself get excited about it. And, every time Blaine confided something new in Kurt without the other man running away, he became more and more convinced that maybe they could be for the long hall and that maybe he deserved to be happy and in love.

This realization made it a hell of a lot easier to take steps forward in their relationship. So far they hadn't been terribly drastic, but suddenly Blaine found that the bottom two drawers of his dresser were filled with clothes that were a little bit too long and a little bit too fashion forward to be his. The expense of the contents of his medicine cabinet suddenly became about three times greater. And, there was a supply of raspberry seltzer currently residing in his refrigerator. Blaine did not like raspberry seltzer. Kurt, on the other hand, went through about a liter a day.

It all hit him full force one night, two weeks since he had received that fateful phone call. He had texted Kurt to tell him that he had received word that he had made it. He was officially part of the top ten and, would at least be in that first two hour special. He would have called him, but he knew that Kurt had an interview for the magazine that afternoon and he didn't want to interrupt. He hadn't heard anything back, but about three hours after he sent the text, Kurt was bursting into his apartment (using the spare key that was currently more like Kurt's key) with a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of cheep champaign, cheeks pink from the early winter chill and excitement.

"Blaine, I'm so unbelievably proud of you!" Kurt exclaimed, dumping his bags onto the counter unceremoniously and pulling Blaine in for a tight hug and an excited kiss, the kind that left them both smiling ear to ear instead of panting from heat. "I love you and you're amazing and you deserve it and I can't wait for _my boyfriend_ to be on TV!" he said, giggling and peppering kisses all over Blaine's face between words.

Blaine pulled back slightly and looked into Kurt's eyes, "I couldn't have done it without you in my life," Blaine said, meaning every single word and even though they were both smiling, their eyes were a bit glassy with emotion. "You really are everything, Kurt. I mean it. None of this would mean anything if I didn't have you by my side."

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"I don't think we're supposed to be drinking champaign out of coffee mugs," Blaine said. The two of them had filled themselves to the brim with Chinese food and were now curled under the same blanket, sipping at the champaign that Kurt bought. They had eaten so much that the alcohol couldn't have been affecting them all that much, but they were still tipsy on excitement and love. Blaine and Kurt had realized a few months ago that the fact that his apartment was no longer a bachelor pad didn't mean much when it was two men in the relationship, which meant that he was long over due to wash the dishes, hence the coffee mugs. Blaine made a mental not to try and work that realizations into a joke.

"In all fairness," Kurt replied, "I only paid twelve dollars for it," he said with a giggle. He snuggled closer into Blaine's side and sighed happily. "Sometimes when I'm cuddling on your couch, I feel like I never want to move again."

"Is it me, or should I write some sort of thank you note to the Ashley furniture store where I bought this couch?" Blaine teased.

Kurt just smacked his shoulder playfully and giggled. He was dating a comedian after all and he was used to comments like that, "don't be ridiculous," Kurt said, taking another sip of his drink, "I'm being serious. I'm never more comfortable than when I'm by your side."

"I know what you mean. It's so hard for me to sleep on the nights that you stay at your apartment," those nights were admittedly few and far between at this point. Kurt hummed in agreement and there was a brief companionable silence. Well, on the outside it was silent, but the alarm bells in Blaine's head were louder than ever and in a move that Kurt would later refer to as 'patently Blaine' he blurted out, "you should move in." Kurt sat up and stared at Blaine in shock. "I mean...um...if you want to. I just thought...you're here so much and I don't know..."

"Blaine!" Kurt practically shouted. "Give a guy a chance!" he said with a laugh. "There's no need to convince me, Blaine. I think it's a great idea," Blaine's eyes got huge and he felt a happy warmth bubble up from the pit of his stomach. "Don't look so shocked, silly. We've been dating for over six months, we're adults, and you're right, we basically live together already. We may as well make it official. And anyway, I think Sam saw the writing on the wall a while ago. I'll talk to him about finding a sub-letter tomorrow," Kurt said, picking up his drink once again and snuggling back into Blaine's side. "To us," he said, clinking his mug against Blaine's.

"To us," Blaine agreed, dropping a kiss to the top of Kurt's head before taking a sip. The old Blaine may have gotten overwhelmed at all the changes, but he felt calm, content even. After all, when it rains, it pours.


	16. Chapter 16

**I don't know if any of you have ever worked for a startup company, but if you have, you'll understand why I've sort of been MIA for the past couple of weeks. Things are COMPLETELY NUTS at work right now. The museum that's been in the works for the past ten years is finally opening this Wednesday (12/12/12) and there is so much to do it's ridiculous. I did get a respite tonight, however, thanks to Hanukkah and I was able to finally get this out.**

**I cannot thank you all enough for for sticking with me through this story. It has been my most challenging, but also my most rewarding piece yet and I'm so happy that you guys have enjoyed. Without further ado, here's the final chapter of Make 'Em Laugh.**

**Come say hi on tumblr: practical-amanda.**

A few things happened very quickly for Blaine after that night. First, he and Kurt had decided that it would probably be best if they found a place of their own, together. Blaine's tendency to blurt out important questions, meant that they were always from the heart, but were not always particularly well thought out. An hour later, however, when Marley walked through the door and found Blaine and Kurt making out on the couch, it became apparent that entirely new arrangements would need to be made.

She took it well. She had, admittedly, been expecting this to happen at some point or another and she told Blaine that it was actually going to give her the push she needed to go back to school. Once they finished out their contract, she was moving back to Ohio to get her Artist Diploma in vocals at Oberlin.

"_I'm not mad, Blaine. You can stop asking," Marley repeated for what was probably the thirtieth time. They were out to brunch together on one of their remaining mornings as room mates. "Did you really think I expected us to live together forever? Please stop apologizing. I'm really and truly happy for you," she insisted. _

"_I know...I just...I'm going to miss you, you know?" Blaine finally said, putting down his fork and squeezing Marley's hand. _

"_I'll miss you too, Roomie," she said, squeezing back before taking another bite of pancake_

Second, he finally, _finally_ was able to quit his job at the call center. Sandy had him booking gigs all over the city when he wasn't working at the club and Rascals had given him a raise that meant he was actually making a living from comedy alone.

_Blaine had marched himself down to his day employer almost immediately after he'd gotten the raise at Rascals. He was almost skipping, he was so happy to finally wash his hands of the place. The practical matter of quitting, however, turned out to be another problem entirely and he explained as much in his routine that night._

"_And the thing about being awkward is that it literally seeps into every orifice of your life," Blaine said, veering off from another joke, "Like, the other day I went to quit my job as a telemarketer and I walked into my boss's office and said 'hello sir, I would like to seek unemployment please.'"_

And the third, possibly most obvious difference, was that he was now on national television.

_As you know, here at _Kurtain_, we love to celebrate the achievements of our cover people (remember just last month when we got to tell you about Ms. July becoming the national high school chess champion?). We love it almost as much as trend spotting, which is why we are overjoyed to announce that Blaine Anderson, who was on the cover of our October issue has made it to the final round of the revived _Last Comic Standing. _We hope you tune in to Comedy Central this Tuesday at 9:00 PM to watch him face off against his final competitor. Let's support our fellow New Yorker!_

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"...and I don't ask a lot of my kid's teachers. I'm not one of these parents that's calling up ever day or trying to blame the teacher if my kid gets a detention, I'm just hoping for like, an ounce of discretion. Like, the other day, my son came home and told me that his health teacher had shown the class a video of _her giving birth_."

Sharon Fields is a comedian. But that, however, was where the similarities between her and Blaine ended. She was loud, bawdy, and over confident. It would depend on who you asked if you wanted a value assessment of her comedy skills. Her husband and two kids, the most frequent subjects of her routine, would probably say she was hilarious. If you asked Kurt, he would probably say that she was about as funny as the time his dorm room got moths. He may be biased, though. She is, after all, Blaine's final competitor. She was the only thing standing in the way of his boyfriend and his dream.

"You doing okay?" Kurt asked from his spot on the couch in Blaine's dressing room. This was the last show and it was being performed live. After this, everything would be over, so Blaine was allowed to have someone with him before he went on stage. It had been a long few months and even though this was his tenth time doing it, Blaine was still not used to an audience as large as the one he was about to perform in front of. Kurt watched him pace back and forth, stopping to glance at the monitor showing a live feed every few seconds.

He nodded, "I'll be fine," Blaine said quickly. "I'm just nervous."

"That's totally normal, expected even," Kurt replied. "Feed off of it. You're going to be great," he said walking over and guiding Blaine so he was sitting next to him on the couch. "This should be the easiest one. You know this routine like the back of your hand. "

In the lead up to this final show, the comedians had gotten a theme before every episode on which they had to write original comedy. Tonight, however, they each had an hour to give their trademark performance. Kurt felt like he might burst into tears with pride. Blaine felt like he might throw up.

"Thank you so much ladies and gentleman. I hope you enjoyed," Sharon's voice came through the speakers. That was Blaine's cue. He was almost up.

"Has anyone ever literally died on stage?" Blaine asked, wringing his hands and staring at the screen as the camera had just panned to the audience.

Kurt gave his shoulders a final squeeze, "the only people who will be dying tonight is that audience, because _you_ are going to kill this thing," Kurt said, giving Blaine a final good luck kiss before pushing him towards the door.

The final moments before Blaine went up on that stage were a blur and before he knew what was happening, he was in front of the largest audience he had ever seen. He took a deep breath and began the same way he had a hundred times before, "I don't know how to talk to humans. Let's start with that."

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"...and now, without further ado, I present the man of the hour, Mr. Blaine Anderson!" Blaine wasn't the only one who stood to gain from winning that competition, the owner of Rascals was overjoyed that one of their own had made it big. So overjoyed, that the week after Blaine's big victory he had a huge private show at the club in honor of Blaine. Not only were all of Blaine's regular fans in attendance, but there were big wigs from all over the comedy world there to see him perform for one last time, before going on the Last Comic Standing tour. Little did any of them know, Blaine wasn't really planning on doing any comedy that night.

"Hey everyone," Blaine said, hopping on stage and taking the microphone off of its stand. "I'm so glad you could all come and help celebrate this with me. As many of you know, it's been a long road for me and I could not be more grateful for all of your support."

"I don't know how many of you know this, but I actually started out here at Rascal's as a presenter. I only got time doing comedy when one of the regular acts couldn't come," Blaine continued. "I only started getting good enough to really perform when someone told me that the best way to be funny, was to be honest. I can't promise that what I'm about to say will be funny in any way, but I can promise that it will be the most honest words I've ever spoken."

The audience was silent at this point, hanging on Blaine's every word in interest. He could see Unique and Marley, the only two people privy to his plan, give him a little reassuring smile from the front row. "Something else I don't think that most of you know, is that not only is this my last night here before going on tour, but Kurt, our beloved bartender and the person responsible for inspiring most of my comedy, is also serving his final shift."

Suddenly every head in the room turned around to Kurt who was staring at Blaine with wide, confused eyes, the martini he was shaking forgotten on the counter. Kurt had never developed any sort of passion for mixing drinks and he could write for _Kurtain_ anywhere, so he was going on tour with Blaine before they moved into their new apartment together. "I know it's hard to believe that after hearing my routine every night that someone might actually want to date me, but it's true. Kurt's been my boyfriend for a little over a year now and before he comes with me on tour, I wanted to bring him up here for the first time."

Kurt's expression hadn't changed, but when the audience started clapping and cheering for him he pulled off his apron and started making his way onto the stage. "I...I'm not usually one for grand gestures," Blaine said, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants and helping Kurt up onto the stage, but you, Kurt are without a doubt the love of my life and you deserve the grandest things I have to offer you," Blaine said. His voice got a little shaky as he put the microphone on the stand so he could take both of Kurt's hands in his. "I never thought I would get to do something like this because no one wants to marry a telemarketer, but now I'm a comedian and the one thing I want in this entire world is to be able to call you mine for the rest of my life," the audience and Kurt gasped as Blaine pulled a ring box out of his pants and got down on one knee. "Kurt, you are the love of my life. Will you marry me?"

There was silence. Blaine thought his heart would beat right out of his chest, but finally Kurt yanked him up into a bone crushing hug, "I would marry you if you were a toilet cleaner, you idiot," he joked and pulled slightly back so Blaine could slip the ring on his finger. The audience chuckled and then started cat calling as Kurt pulled Blaine into a long kiss. "Did I mention my answer is yes?" Kurt said, eyes glistening with tears. Blaine thought idly that it was the first time his routine made anyone cry, but dismissed the thought in favor of pulling Kurt in for another kiss.

There was a lot more celebrating to be done and technically Kurt needed to finish out his last shift as a bartender, but at that moment Blaine wasn't thinking about any of that. He was thinking that for the first time in his entirely life, everything was right. His life wasn't perfect, it never would be, but with Kurt by his side, it might just come close.


End file.
